Captivated

Im reading the book"Captivating". I dare say I will hardly be able to do this book any justice in trying to explain what a source of revelation it is being to me and pinpointing so many of my weaknesses. Friday night I spent a great deal of time explaining a chapter of this book to L. and then gave him a copy of it to read and even he was struck by so much that was said in that chapter he called me the next day and we spent 30 -60 min just talking about how that opens our eyes to the things that women are.

Anyway....this morning I was reading again, and this book really isn't all that big I could have easily had it finished by now, but its so good I keep rereading chapters over and over again. Anyway my thoughts this morning hopefully somewhat coherent ones.


I think Ive been to needy. So many of us have head the story of Martha and Mary and it becomes one of those stories that you just think to yourself when its brought up again, I know I know I fall short but sheez I have so much to do each day. This illustration was used in this section I was reading again this morning. Some pastors have made it sound like ok Martha was too busy making a complicated meal when only one simple food was needed. But no that isn't what Jesus was saying. "Jesus has spoken straight into the heart of the matter. The one thing that is needed is a captivated, adoring heart, a heard that responds to the extravagant love of God with worship."

I think I place myself in the catagory of worshipping man and things to easily. Men will continue to fall short in some ways and never be able to fill the longing I have. I know I put my ex husband in that role. I know for years I sought something from him he was incapable of giving me. "Some worship fashion; others worship a boyfriend or husband. We really are limitless in what we will give our hearts away to. Movies, food, shopping, gossip, you name it, I've bowed before them all."

No man will feel like he is capable of giving me what I need with my heart in the wrong direction and seeking it from a man instead of Christ.

What is the first commandment........"To the love the Lord God with all of our heart, soul and mind"

I feel like a hopeless fool. When will I get this straight??? I messed up another relationship doing this yet again....will I continue to make this screwed up mess of a life a continual habit or will things change? I want things to change

Late last night after watching a movie (and successfully grading all the papers for this period I might add) a poem came up in the movie so I had to look it up: (by ee cummings)


i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
                                  i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

OK well Ill admit fully there were other reasons I looked up this poem it struck me hard and
I liked it...the romantic that I am (no closet romantic here) but this morning Im looking at it differently.....this morning Im looking at it as a poem I was given from Christ...I am loved.