Conviction or Decision?
Yesterday I spent a great part of the day looking over my finances. How depressing! Ive taken on way to much debt in the past couple of years with the impression that "I deserved" things. It shames me when I think about how selfish my vantage point has been in looking at things that way. I know very well how I got to that point, with my self image where it was and self esteem flattened from what my ex put me through, but none the less......I have taken on too much and put off paying way to much for too long. (And to think I have honestly been trying to come up with a way to buy a boat or a seadoo!) I hate what seeing things for what they are do to my heart. Dennis has been good at not letting me sit in that self pity pool for too long and giving me a swift kick in the butt. I know none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes, but this one really does shame me.
Yesterday I took a much closer look at my financial picture. After quite a bit of thinking and praying about this the past few weeks I've come to a decision or is it a conviction....Im not quite sure. Its time for me to get a job! Yes one that actually brings in a pay check! Oh heck, you have no idea how scary of an idea that is when I have been a stay at home mom for 14 years now. So I suppose its a decision I have made and now the conviction aspect is that I need to find just the right one. Something I can do hopefully at home even would be ideal. How cool would that be to homeschool the kids when they are home and not at school and be working and earning money all at the same time? So where do I start?
I did start off by writing friends who own businesses and letting them know that Im looking. Its hard place to put them. I don't want them feeling the need to provide for me, but I want them to know all the same Im looking. I look at things this way. God has moved my heart in this direction I think. I can't sit back and wait for him to drop an opportunity in my lap.... the actuality of that occuring is very unlikely. OrI can start opening my mouth and taking to people and moving in the direction I feel He is leading me. If this is the direction God has intended for me then the doors somewhere will open, if not Ill have them slammed in my face. It isn't easy to realize that I could be facing rejection over and over again, but thats where my determination sets in. Im excited about seeing God working in my life and to see what will happen ahead!
Yesterday I took a much closer look at my financial picture. After quite a bit of thinking and praying about this the past few weeks I've come to a decision or is it a conviction....Im not quite sure. Its time for me to get a job! Yes one that actually brings in a pay check! Oh heck, you have no idea how scary of an idea that is when I have been a stay at home mom for 14 years now. So I suppose its a decision I have made and now the conviction aspect is that I need to find just the right one. Something I can do hopefully at home even would be ideal. How cool would that be to homeschool the kids when they are home and not at school and be working and earning money all at the same time? So where do I start?
I did start off by writing friends who own businesses and letting them know that Im looking. Its hard place to put them. I don't want them feeling the need to provide for me, but I want them to know all the same Im looking. I look at things this way. God has moved my heart in this direction I think. I can't sit back and wait for him to drop an opportunity in my lap.... the actuality of that occuring is very unlikely. OrI can start opening my mouth and taking to people and moving in the direction I feel He is leading me. If this is the direction God has intended for me then the doors somewhere will open, if not Ill have them slammed in my face. It isn't easy to realize that I could be facing rejection over and over again, but thats where my determination sets in. Im excited about seeing God working in my life and to see what will happen ahead!
posted by Peach at 10:22 AM
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