The way we look at things continued....

e·piph·a·ny (ĭ-pĭf'ə-nē)
n., pl. -nies.

1. Epiphany
   1. A Christian feast celebrating the manifestation of the divine nature of Jesus to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi.
   2. January 6, on which this feast is traditionally observed.
2. A revelatory manifestation of a divine being.
3. 1. A sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something.
   2. A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization: “I experienced an epiphany, a spiritual flash that would change the way I viewed myself” (Frank Maier)

I've always liked the word, epiphany. Its a puzzle of a word, a word I can NEVER spell correctly the first time. You might have thought I was being cute by posting the definition of this word before I started to tell you about my 'epiphany' but you are wrong....I had to look up how to spell the darn word first again :)

Last week, last Wednesday I had one of those clever little words. One of those moments in time you sit back after feeling like you had something practically slapped across the face and you are so surprised it took you "38" years to figure it out. Ok, in this case, 38 years and 3 days :P.

Im reading this book titled Strong Women, Soft Hearts by Paula Rinehart. Its been another of those books that have profoundly altered the way Im looking at myself and the way I approach life. Last Wednesday while sitting on the beach I was reading the chapter titled "Control: Releasing our sticky fingers". Paula explains 'control' in a way I had never ever imagined would have been considered. One that I know to this day I struggle with each and every day. Here is an exert from her book:

"Becoming a strong woman with a soft heart will, indeed, bring us face to face with the need to feel in control. Control is the most subtle of dynamics, as natural as the air you breathe. It's the insistence that your life follow a particular path. It's about having an agenda for your life-a picture of some ideal that is shaped, usually, in childhood. We tote it along through life, often blissfully unaware, until it dawns on us that IT's NOT HAPPENING. Or at least not happening in the way we had hoped."

I sat there after reading this with tears streaming down my face. The realization of all those little 'creative thoughts' that flow through my mind. "What if he surprised me and did this......" "What if she calls me and says this........." what if my kids surprise me with a breakfast in bed, what if, what if, what if....................You name it I have dreamt it. I can easily say each and every day my head fills with dozens of 'dreams' on how wonderful life would be if only. She continues in her book a few paragraphs down saying this:

"What I am aware of, though , is this mirage that sits in the back of my brain. It appears more real at some times than at others. But in some form, it is always present, just off the wings of the stage. I call it the mirage of the genteel life. The picture is basically this: a family of beautiful achievers, no pain or sadness present, everyone getting along. I don't know why this mirage has such a pull for me. perhaps it's all the leftover fragments of girlish dreams tied up in a package. Simple things evoke it-the smell of magnolia in the spring, a table set with linens and silver-and I hear the siren call of perfect family. Actually, my mirage is a lovely picture, but it is an illusion of paradise with my own monogram. It is an agenda. "

She explains to the reader there is a way to tell if you have these images or idealistic dreams, the way we know is the feeling eventually of disappointment that comes along when those 'dreams' don't turn out as you had crafted them up in your head to turn out. We all probably have this tendency. To dream up the way we want our lives to go each day. For those of us who homeschool, how the 'picture perfect' day with the kids will enfold. Sitting on the sofa reading to our children all ears, perfectly quiet little angels. For those of us in rocky marriages, the dream that our husbands would turn around and be the 'perfect' husband that night when they returned home from workbring us roses, candy....MAKE DINNER FOR US! For those of us looking to be married, the proposal of marriage we have dreamed of and wished for. You name it, we have dreams. The problem is when those dreams become agendas. They have a tendency to become idolatrous in some ways as well.

After reading this and being so completely convicted of this in my life, I made a pledge in my prayer that afternoon. "Lord, I pleaded, help me to be reminded of this each and every time I feel myself tempted to dream up that perfect happy ending. Help me to allow you to provide that happy ending. Help me Lord to realize that You and You alone can be the fulfillment of that happy ending. Help me Lord."

I sat along the beach that afternoon with more and more commitement to turning myself from this. I realized that each time I do or dream up a plan a goal, a 'perfect' picture in my head of how something may or may not turn out, I am simply robbing God of gifting me of that perfect happy ending. The plan HE intends for me. After 38 years here, this is something I can attest to...He is in Control of our lives. He has a better plan for each of us then we can ever imagine. We just need to LET GO :) My pledge....I will let go, each day, each hour, each minute.