All things......all things can be worked together for good

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Rom 8:28 ...

If you were to ask me to come up with a life verse from the Bible to sum up how and where my life has been I would be hard pressed to limit it down to one. One verse in particular, Romans 8:28 has been recalled and noted considerably in the past year or so. Last night during our home fellowship time an event of my past came up as an encouragment to someone facing the same type of realization today. Reliving the past isn't easy, in fact it can be very difficult, but seeing that it gives a gift of hope to another ... it is worth the pain.

I grew up in a loving family. My parents were strict, but loved me and held me to a high moral standard. They didn't attend church at first, my mother started to attend a few years after I had been attending with a neighbor. As I grew up and faced my early teen years, those 'high moral' standards weren't enough to keep me in line. I've pointed out in the past I don't learn lessons easily. In fact, its a regular pattern in my life to learn lessons the hard way. So as I hit my teen years, I decided I didn't want to attend church anymore. I made such a fuss about not wanting to attend, that I was old enough to make up my own mind, my parents quit fighting with me over it and allowed me to stop going.

Sad thing about my church attendance up until then was the fact that the youth group I was a part of was NOT an example that the church would have wanted. I was in junior high and the only one at that grade level so they boosted me up to the High School group. They took me under their wing, but not in a mentorship mentality. It became a goal of theirs to make sure I experienced the life of a High School child. This was my first introduction into drugs and alcohol. My walk was not with the Lord, in fact I was walking my own path. So as I walked away from even attending church I continued to follow in that path and caused my parents much grief and tears. It shames and saddens me to think of the things I put them through now looking back as a parent of children that age.

Towards the end of my freshman year in high school, right before I turned 15, my life took a horribly wrong path. The guy I had been seeing and just broke up with, had called to see me out of the blue. I had a huge crush on him, blonde, blue eyed, 2 years older, and a surfer.....I forgave way to easily. One afternoon I put myself into a bad spot and ended up being in a home with him alone. He had intentions for me that afternoon. Ones I couldn't and wouldn't be allowed to say no to. I remember walking back to school to meet a friend with tears running down my face with the realization of what took place heavy on my heart. In those steps back to school I choose to tuck that event away, not deal with it, not mention it to anyone. I had figured I had closure, since a short time after this he was out with friends and partying it up, that was the last party he partook in and fell off a cliff at the beach. Sadly it is the case for many young women to not 'deal' with this type of event, but to burry it. As the years moved on however, I started looking hard for "something".

In the months before I married my ex husband I found my way back to church. I found my way to a relationship with Christ, one I hadn't known before. I finally began to understand what it was He had done for me, and accepted that and rededicated my life to Him. Slowly He was working on the event that had took place four years before.

While I had mentioned it in passing to my husband at the time, I don't think he had any idea what kind of ordeal it was or is to a young girl, or really any woman. In the early years of my marriage, looking back now, I can definately see the effects that event had in my life. I couldn't 'give' myself to my husband. There was a part of me that I just had to keep hidden. Later on right before my marriage ended he did relate to me that he had really held it against me for not being able to give myself completely to him for most of our marriage. Maybe Dennis is right, its just a blame game for someone who needs to blame someone other then himself, but those words do still haunt me today.

Around my 30th birthday a very close and dear friend of mine was talking to me. Honestly I don't even remember how we got into this conversation but she shared her story. She had been raped a few years before while pregnant with her 2nd son. Her eldest son was in the car when this happened. I can't even begin to find the words to detail the realm of emtions that began to flood my head. It's easy, oh so easy, to think the hardships we face, the trials we live through, that we are alone in that battle. God does cause all things to work together for the good. I was able for the first time to really open up and share what had taken place to me. I had shared a little up until that point but never really thought about the effects it had had on my life. I have never spoken of this to my parents, I won't. I would rather protect them from the pain of knowing that I had lived this and couldnt tell them. I love my parents to much for that. But that event, the hold that event had on my life, began to unravel quickly. Last night I was able to share that with the group. No tears, just words and conviction of how and what I have learned from my past. Im stronger today because of those events of my past. Not stronger in ....I can face anything, not at all, but stronger in character.

Romans 8:28 has been a signficant verse for my life. While yes, I do have a ton of questions for Him when I reach those gates of Heaven, I do have confidence in a way unexplanned that He will work it out, in His way, in His time. Now, I just have to learn the part where Patience comes in :)