Contentment

I've been pondering this idea for a few days now. It's been another one of those 'the Lord is trying to get my attention' seasons.

This weekend the sermon Chris gave at church drove this straight to home "my heart". Where am I when it comes to contentment?

Typically speaking I don't struggle with 'wanting' things to much. Oh sure, drive a nice little sports car by me and Ill salivate a bit. A cute new outfit, yes that will get my attentiont too, and well for those of you who know me you know the things that make me 'want' but as a general rule-Ive been content, or so I thought.

We've been going through 1 John in a series at church, "John's Handy Dandy Spiritual Lie Detector Booklet, 10 Questions that Separate Spiritual Posers from the Real Deal. I've really been enjoying this. This weeks question was simply put, "What am I chasing after?" Chris laid out a few choices that show you how to discern where your real priorities in life are. These made me stop and think. In the second choice he listed it stated "Do I choose the lust of the eyes or contentment?" Ill admit in reflection after Saturday nights message, I've been struggling.

Its not an easy thing to stop and look at yourself with a critical eye. But I have been struggling. Where am I going to be at when 40 hits me around the corner. I've been looking at the state of my home, and wishing I had made better choices and I was telling myself that I needed to focus this next year ahead on getting this place on the market. The biggest area of course, is looking at who I am, and my 'marital status'. I don't want to be alone anymore. I am not content when it comes to crawling up in a big bed alone anymore. That's when it hit me. As much as I can see it in others, Im doing the same. I find myself running around like mad to not have those quiet moments of not knowing what to do with myself. I book myself and the kids like crazy to keep our schedules plenty busy and without time to stop and reflect. In my very action of avoiding what I don't want to face, I run away from finding the 'contentment' of each and every day as it is. Would it be so bad to have a quiet moment to sit down and read a book? To have nothing better to do then find contentment in watching the rain fall outside? To sit and live in the moment.... It hit me today, I've been running, running away from exactly what it is the Lord wants for me.