The Greeting, do we shake hands or not?

Luke and I finally were able to coordinate our busy schedules and have lunch the other day. I always enjoy our conversations and it seems he always leaves me pondering over something we discussed. This time was no different.

After catching up with the usual discussions, I started to share with him my internal struggle with not wanting to meet my ex's wife. My heart seems to know that this event is around the corner and so it was one of the things I shared with him. He was quick to assure me to examine my heart for the reasons I struggle. Do I hold myself to others expectations instead of just allowing what will happen? I knew that there was some truth to that. He also had some other mind provoking thoughts. I was sharing with him the strangness behind how it felt when I would reach out my hand and say to this woman, "nice to finally meet you". Isn't that how we are trained to respond when meeting someone we know exists but haven't had the opportunity to actually meet. He jumped on me for this comment. His response and this is me rephrasing it for him, was this, "when did we start to believe that we MUST shake hands with anyone new we meet?" He went on to share with me how he would feel if and when the opportunity for him comes to bump into my ex. Luke has known both Bill and I since before we were married in 1989. My ex is back to attending church again and of all the places he is attending Luke's church. While Luke has seen him in the distance he hasn't had the occasion to actually come face to face with either Bill or his new wife. This is something Luke is grateful for. But how will it feel when it comes time to actually meet him again. Luke has been through the same sort of ending that my marriage had. Both of us were married back in 1989 and his wife walked out on him about a year after my ex walked out on me. We have had plenty of time to cry on each others shoulders and now come along side each other and strengthen each other as we take the world on again. But how will it feel? His remark to me was, wouldn't it be a lie for him to extend his arm and say "hey nice to meet you and your new wife" or something along that line. Instead why not, just raise your arm and sort of wave and say "meet you". Not nice to meet you, not its good to see you, but 'meet you'. Thats what we are doing, I can't accept the choices you made, I completely disagree with with the path you put yourself on and by extending my arm out to you, I am saying I agree with you....aren't I? I had to laugh, because while actually doing this very thing would be 'well at the very least different' I liked it. It instantly made me reflect back to earlier in the month though.

I had been over in Arizona and had the opportunity to meet Dennis's ex's new boyfriend. These things are so much more complicated when you live in a small town verses where I live. So I had walked up and shook this mans hand. After talking with Luke I felt the need to apologize to Dennis for doing just that. He of course chuckled at me and assured me he hadn't made anything of me shaking this mans hand, however I felt better.

What would Miss manners say? How would Jesus resond? What is truly the best way to handle yourself in these sorts of situations? Better yet, why do we allow our lives to go in the direction that takes us to these sort of complications? Yet another question I just put out there with the understanding I won't find the answer anytime soon in this place.