The Loss of a dream?

Divorce is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. My life as it was is no more, and will never ever resemble the 'dream' I had in my heart from that very young innocent child.

Hard words to face, hard words to type, hard realization sets in. Can you truly ever have a 'dream' fulfilled once it has fallen and been completely trampled upon?

The pain from that period of my life is over. I don't walk around in a cloud of dispair, torment and bewilderment as I did for months. My life today is stronger in ways I would have never imagined life being, but the scars of that period are as tender as the day the wound was inflicted. I have a tenderness in me for single parents that never existed before this period of my life. I have a passion in me about quitting, walking away, and divorce that I never had in me until now. I understand now why God hates divorce.

I haven't lost anything of great 'value'. In fact God has continually blessed me and protected me over the past few years. I can honestly think of times where I knew he was literally carring me through the trials I was facing. Days when I had absolutely no strength in me left, I knew he got me through, not of my own but of His.

But the dream, my dream, is it lost? I dream of having this 'life', being a woman a man can love completely without fear of what I may do. A dream of 'family' that I just can't let go of. I struggle. Will I, can I, is it possible for me to ever have that 'image' in my mind ever again? Was the dream I had wrong to begin with and thats why it failed? Am I only thinking selfishly in my thoughts when I say I want to be married, and 'happy'? Arrrrrrrrrgh

The older we get the more we are set in our ways and beliefs. The older we get the more baggage we all walk around with. Maybe its the Lord desire for me to be single the rest of my life. Maybe I need to let the Lord set that new 'dream' for me instead of my simple mind setting a goal that just may never be realized. Maybe.