Advice for the Single

Have you noticed that your married friends often have advice and opinions of how a single mother should live? I have. I have for the past 5 years (4 years officially) been a single parent. And for the past 5 years I have friends who are married (never divorced or widowed) who like to keep me accountable to how they believe I should live. Much of it is biblical, and I love them for the accountability they give me....but some of it. Arrrgh

A couple of weekends ago I was blessed to have both Dennis and Neek out. I had really wanted them to get to know each other since they are both the most important people outside of my kids. If I needed anyones blessing about a life with Dennis I needed Neek's. I got it :)

One night after Dennis had left Neek and I were up chatting about me and him. Girl Talk :)
She admitted to me that she still felt it would be best for a single mom to continue to raise her children without getting involved in a relationship and confusing things all the more. The Dr. Laura speech I have heard from others. "Mom should stay single and uninvolved until the kids are grown and out of the house" My response...."OK but folks where do you find that in the bible?" No one ever has a good answer for that one.

Its always the women who love to give the single moms advice. Don't get me wrong, I suppose I would have more issue if no one cared about me all together....but I need the advice to be biblical....where is it in the bible?

Neek and I went at it. She is the only friend I have that I can go head on with on some issues and it never affects our friendship. A true testimony of Iron sharpening Iron. She admitted that if she was in my shoes she might feel differently but she wants to protect the kids. How can I fault her for that?

For me its like this. God designed the family. Man and Woman he created. In that union we are blessed with children. The family is disrupted, ripped apart and off of what His design for family is when a man or woman walks out of his or her family or one of the two die. Its no longer 'healthy'. To try to say that a blended family is healthy is hard, because you are starting on rocky territory to start with. Open wounds, scar tissue and the sins of the past are often still part of the present. Nothing about this is healthy. All we can do is trust God.

If we believe that God brings a couple together, He already knows where the difficulty will lie. Which of the children will struggle the most, where we would have the biggest hardships. Does that mean it won't work? Absolutely not! Will it be hard? Yes! Will it be blessed? Absolutely if you follow God's will for your life. This is what I believe.

Bottom line is this no matter what if a family is broken there will be difficulty. Honestly all families will have difficulties...broken or not. Weather or not a mom raises her children alone or with a godly man in her life...there still will be struggles. I just know for myself...I wasn't made to be alone. My purpose in life has always been to serve in a marriage and have someone near me to help me go through life. When cars act up to be the strength I need to tell me it will be ok. If the house was to flood again, I know I could handle it....but I also know I would be stronger if I had a husband. As a parent I would be stronger, and as a person. Having had a husband I feel like only half a person anymore. But for now God has had me single to find it in myself that I can handle what life deals out. I was young when I first got married, not even 21 yet. The next and final time around I know I will see marriage differently....the things that use to bother me....will seem as insignificant as what the weather will be like tomorrow.

I think Neek saw things a little differently after we talked. After I shared with her what it is truly like making 100 percent of the decisions about my children day in and day out alone. It is always easier to have an opinion of something we don't live. I use to have a very different perspective of single parents then I do today. I hope to one day be able to minister more in this area.