Fear

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt

Over the past few months it has become more and more apparent to me that I struggle with fears in more ways then I would like to admit. Im not sure however if its the fear of success I struggle with or the fear of failure. Or if its simply the fear of the unknown that can paralyize me at times more then anything else. This past week I faced one of those fears head on as I called my mortgage broker and confessed my sins as it were. Facing the fact that you have been overspending, not thinking and falling into the credit card trap as so many others all around me have I felt very ashamed of myself. The past couple of months looking over my bills and realizing that no matter how hard I tried it would be a long time before I would really see any huge difference on those credit card statements. It was almost as if a light went off in my head, a light of understanding that I haven't ever felt before to exactly what credit card debt is, the trap or snare it can be and how you can be in that place for years to come if you continue on that path. He was very quick to reassure me that in this market I had nothing to fear. Within 48 hours I had cleared away the paralization of shame and faced my fear head on with the realization and understanding that I could have all of it cleared away within just a few weeks. Fear faced and tackled.

Today as I talked with a girlfriend I heard myself telling her my fear and frustration of having my children come home after having spent a week with their father and the frustration (all based on fears after further pondering it) with the garbage he fills their heads with. Fear isn't something put in our heads by God. The voice in our heads that make us doubt ourselves, the fear that paralizes us, is not His voice. His voice is one of comfort, assurance, love and definately not one of shame. I'm learning this, maybe a little later in life then I would care to admit, but Im learning.

Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams.
Think not about your frustrations, but about your
unfulfilled potential.  Concern yourself not with what you
tried and failed in,but with what it is still possible
for you to do.
- Pope John XXIII