Paralyzed

My life, Ok Ill admit to be a bit on the over dramatic side but the past few days has had me spinning. Dennis and I did have another great weekend, followed up by yet another good bye. I hate good byes. The idea of saying good bye usually leaves me a bit paralyzed. Good bye for now, for how long, when will I .......? The questions in my head just spin. I suppose it has a great deal to do with my past and he (Dennis) is great at pointing that out to me, and being very reassuring at the same time. Good bye has meant good bye for good. Once you have that element in your life, it is difficult at best to get over. The idea of saying Good bye does in a way leave me paralyzed.

In a tear stained moment we did get to talk a little about this again. He knows that distance hurts me, strains me, and can confuse me. He also hates to see me cry. Whats with that? :) The funny (not funny ha ha part is) that when I start to get emotional it leaves me even more full of fear that my emotions will scare him away. My ex husband hated emotions, or more specifically he hated my emotions. I learned to bottle them up, but Im learning to except the way I fear and not let them run me, or make me run even.

I found it humorous in a way that while I tried to type this up on Monday my internet connection was severed and I haven't had a phone or internet until this afternoon. Somehow the line off the pole dropped and I lost the connection.....paralyzing me from writing......today though the Lord gave me the strength to pull up and take care of things again. To not sit and sob, but to move forward and grab hold of the greatness I have, we have, awaiting us. Each day is a blessing in itself, we can't allow ourselves to stay 'caught' up in the emotions of how we feel. If anything I say this as a pep talk to myself. Grab hold of today, look forward to tomorrow and don't fear the unknown.