In the trenches

Today has been a day I don't know if I should feel like I succeed in or failed in. Or if you can even measure the difficulty of the things I had to face. Single parenting is difficult. I am blessed with four beautiful, healthy and sinful children. The thing is when I look around me I know for the most part I have pretty good kids. I struggle day in and day out with attitudes from one or more of the girls. Sometimes lately I have even struggled with my son. The hardest part with him is not trying to 'mommy' a 15 year old boy. The girls got the better of me, or did they today?

Ashley fell apart earlier this morning. We are on the last week of the next to last packet of the school year. That means, conferences are next week. Actually, with me going out of town, that means conferences or paperwork has to be turned in on Thursday. Arrrrgh. Ashley has been good this year. She has been on the ball and really pulled herself together and stayed on top of her school work. This packet however, she fell backwards. To top it off the trip to the East Coast was an 'excuse' for her. One I had to gently remind her that going on a trip is no excuse for not getting your work done. Having recognized she has a History Portfolio due, a novel due and a analysis of a piece of music and reflecting on the lyrics, time of origination, and feelings of. She fell apart today. I got upset. This is probably where I failed. Instead of recognizing she has come a long way, I saw her falling back into a bad habit, and not wanting her to think I was going to let her slack it off. I got angry. Later I apologized, we talked and worked out a plan. This is where I succeeded. I don't remember my parents apologizing to me much. Im not complaining about that, we all have strengths and weaknesses. But I want my children to know that when you screw up, you need to apologize and set things straight. Not apologizing leaves wounds that sometimes never heal. Apologizing is like saying, hey, Im human, and Im sorry...can you forgive me? Life is good again.

Emily has been struggling with friendships. Girls are just difficult at this age. They are petty, and fight easily. I know this, I lived this, but I want to help her avoid it. So we talked and I set up some parameters. Not sure if that was smart or not. One thing after another it felt like today. Knee deep in the trenches is where I have been today.

This is the hardest part of being a single parent. You are alone in your decisions. You are alone when you say No, to the questions. You are alone, when you set up consequences. It is so easy to feel beat up after trying your hardest. Even in the best of broken families there is no counting on the other home to support your decisions. You are not a strong foundation any longer. You are alone.

I parent knowing I do have Christ on my side supporting me. Its head knowledge but I still feel battered. Parenting wasn't suppose to be something you take on alone. It was suppose to be something a man and woman came together and stood together supporting each other. I miss that.