Can you HEAR me now?
Can you HEAR me now....is what I have been feeling a lot lately in many of my relationships. Trying to pull out exactly what it is I'm feeling and share it with those I'm closest to.
Isn't that exactly what blogging is? Isn't it a way to reach out, a way to express what one thinks, feels, and sometimes even cry's over. I think I cry to much.
I've been thinking about today about my writing, or more importantly my lack there of. I committed to many.. many moons ago I was going to write a book. I've written here about my struggles in writing, I've written others about my struggles. I start to write and wonder, who the heck would care about what it is I have to say or think or even feel. But isn't that what I am doing even with just this simple few paragraphs and minutes of my time? Writing and jotting down those thoughts and feelings that seem to occupy the recesses of my brain.
What is it I'm trying to get across. I feel alone! CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? Yes I feel alone, silly huh. I'm surrounded by 4 children for all but 4 nights of most months. With two teenagers in the house now and two younger social critters, its usually more then just 4, but lets just leave it at 4. When I'm with Dennis its usually with his daughters and like last weekend we made a group of 9. I feel alone you ask?
I do, because he's in Arizona, my closest friends in Idaho and me well.... I get to face an empty bed each and every night. Yes I feel alone. A single parent with 4 kids, working my butt off (to bad not literally), and balancing a relationship I have been feeling like I'm falling apart. Fragile and alone. I don't fit into the old social circles, its so much work to try to fit into a new social circle and with a great deal of potential and hope that I could be moving soon.....I'm scared to get close to anyone else Ill have to say goodbye to.
I guess I just don't know what it is I want. I want to write, but I'm scared to write. I want to put this house up on the market, but I'm scared to do that. I want to be supermom, but
I'm scared I won't be able to ever come close to that again, I want to get married again, but the silly part of it is I'm even a tad bit scared of that! What if I am really a horrible wife that my ex made me out to be....Lord can you HEAR me now? I'm fragile and I need you!
Isn't that exactly what blogging is? Isn't it a way to reach out, a way to express what one thinks, feels, and sometimes even cry's over. I think I cry to much.
I've been thinking about today about my writing, or more importantly my lack there of. I committed to many.. many moons ago I was going to write a book. I've written here about my struggles in writing, I've written others about my struggles. I start to write and wonder, who the heck would care about what it is I have to say or think or even feel. But isn't that what I am doing even with just this simple few paragraphs and minutes of my time? Writing and jotting down those thoughts and feelings that seem to occupy the recesses of my brain.
What is it I'm trying to get across. I feel alone! CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? Yes I feel alone, silly huh. I'm surrounded by 4 children for all but 4 nights of most months. With two teenagers in the house now and two younger social critters, its usually more then just 4, but lets just leave it at 4. When I'm with Dennis its usually with his daughters and like last weekend we made a group of 9. I feel alone you ask?
I do, because he's in Arizona, my closest friends in Idaho and me well.... I get to face an empty bed each and every night. Yes I feel alone. A single parent with 4 kids, working my butt off (to bad not literally), and balancing a relationship I have been feeling like I'm falling apart. Fragile and alone. I don't fit into the old social circles, its so much work to try to fit into a new social circle and with a great deal of potential and hope that I could be moving soon.....I'm scared to get close to anyone else Ill have to say goodbye to.
I guess I just don't know what it is I want. I want to write, but I'm scared to write. I want to put this house up on the market, but I'm scared to do that. I want to be supermom, but
I'm scared I won't be able to ever come close to that again, I want to get married again, but the silly part of it is I'm even a tad bit scared of that! What if I am really a horrible wife that my ex made me out to be....Lord can you HEAR me now? I'm fragile and I need you!
posted by Peach at 6:30 PM
2 Comments:
Yep. I know how you feel.
Too well, unfortunately.
At least you have a man in your life!
Its funny how even when we have what we think we want, we want something more......arrrgh :)
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