Oh but I want to DANCE!

Enough belly aching over what I want, enough of the whining over what I don't have, its time to dance....that was a decision I made today sitting at the beach.

I took the day off after working this morning. Two of my children have started school ( High School can you believe it!) but since the work load is still rather light today was the PERFECT day to go to the beach. The crowds were smaller, tourists have headed home, the water was warm, the sky was clear, it was Beautiful.

I sat reading for some time the newest of my treasured collection from Angela Thomas, " When Wallflowers Dance". In times past I would have never considered myself a wallflower, but since my divorce, I think its a term that could fit me quite easily. I spent a lot of time this afternoon in quite meditation. Wondering, seeking and soul searching. In reality I have spent the greater part of the past week in a type of soul searching period. Consider your ways as the scriptures state has been my state of mind. Today it kind of hit me.

The reality is a year ago I wouldn't have thought I was still going to be living here in this town and having my children going off again to two different cities and not one of them in the one I live in to attend school. I didn't think I was going to have to face the intensity of making the decisions at the beginning of a school year alone again. God has had a different plan in mind for me then what I had. Not that the plan I hope for still isn't attainable, but not this year. School starting up again this year caused me a lot of pain. There isn't much of a choice in my mind, I want the best education for my children and I don't want them dropped into a school with hundreds or thousands of children, so I'm back to the rat race of driving again. I started feeling the resentment building up. Dennis is overly patient with me that much I know! Today however, I am not going to whine any more. Today, I am going to start learning how to dance again. I am going to put my desires and dreams on hold and enjoy the moment. Enjoy the last moments I have with two of my children in high school, there sure isn't much time left, so I will not spend it complaining about the traffic, the loneliness or the struggle anymore. At least, thats the plan.