Careful for what you hope for.....it just may happen
Five years ago my marriage of 13 years was coming to an end. This was the month I was served divorce papers and I can recall months after thinking and dreaming of what the perfect conversation would be that I would wanted so desperately to have with my soon to be ex husband. I dreamed this imaginary apology in my mind up over and over again for the months that followed....but in the back of my mind I really honestly never thought it would happen.
This week I picked up the phone and called my ex husband. After informing him of my engagement I thought it might help the kids if I talked with him before they headed over this weekend. My ex has been flipping out a bit. Calling the kids more then ever, writing emotional letters.....I knew I had to do something. I just really wasn't prepared for what happened. I am not even sure I can write about it and do it justice....but here it goes.
For a few months now my ex has been on an emotional path. Asking the kids to forgive him for divorcing me, telling my eldest daughter he made a mistake. I knew that he had a lot already on his mind. I just wasn't prepared for him to apologize....and ask for my forgiveness.
I think I felt .... 'numb' in listening to him. In the 24 hours that followed I found it hard to think much again. The cloudiness I spoke of years ago that took hold of my mind, seemed to creep back in. The lies that he had spoken and I allowed myself to start believing in all of a sudden I had to face them again for the lies they were. The monster mask I have had my ex wearing for the past few years came crashing down and I was able to look at him for a few minutes any way as almost human. I don't love this man any longer, but compassion in my heart for the father of my kids scared me more then I can tell you. Luke and Neek as well as Dennis have encouraged me that this is good.... I cant say that....I'm just stunned.
My ex isn't going to stop me from moving. He wants me to move on in my life. He wants me to continue homeschooling the kids. This just has to be a God thing because there is simply no other explanation for it.
In a letter he wrote to my eldest daughter just a day ago he stated 'that divorcing her mother was the biggest mistake of his life'. Maybe somehow Ill find peace in that.
This week I picked up the phone and called my ex husband. After informing him of my engagement I thought it might help the kids if I talked with him before they headed over this weekend. My ex has been flipping out a bit. Calling the kids more then ever, writing emotional letters.....I knew I had to do something. I just really wasn't prepared for what happened. I am not even sure I can write about it and do it justice....but here it goes.
For a few months now my ex has been on an emotional path. Asking the kids to forgive him for divorcing me, telling my eldest daughter he made a mistake. I knew that he had a lot already on his mind. I just wasn't prepared for him to apologize....and ask for my forgiveness.
I think I felt .... 'numb' in listening to him. In the 24 hours that followed I found it hard to think much again. The cloudiness I spoke of years ago that took hold of my mind, seemed to creep back in. The lies that he had spoken and I allowed myself to start believing in all of a sudden I had to face them again for the lies they were. The monster mask I have had my ex wearing for the past few years came crashing down and I was able to look at him for a few minutes any way as almost human. I don't love this man any longer, but compassion in my heart for the father of my kids scared me more then I can tell you. Luke and Neek as well as Dennis have encouraged me that this is good.... I cant say that....I'm just stunned.
My ex isn't going to stop me from moving. He wants me to move on in my life. He wants me to continue homeschooling the kids. This just has to be a God thing because there is simply no other explanation for it.
In a letter he wrote to my eldest daughter just a day ago he stated 'that divorcing her mother was the biggest mistake of his life'. Maybe somehow Ill find peace in that.
posted by Peach at 1:17 AM
1 Comments:
Dang. He has to live with that mistake for the rest of his life. That is sad.
You, however, are riding on the faithfullness of a mighty God. And that God promises that ALL things are for our good.
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