Hot, Heat, headium, hot ........did I mention HEAT?

I was thinking today it had been some time since I sat down and wrote. I figured out why. Being sick and with this unexplainable heat wave we are having or have been having this month I suppose I just haven't been much in the mood to ponder thinking. Surprising I Know! Maybe the four hour conversation with Dennis yesterday jump started my thinking process again, Im not sure.

This past weekend the kids and I went up to visit with my parents on Saturday. My sister was down too so it was a really nice family get together. I got to spend some nice time talking with my dad, something I have needed since all the hubaloo about his health began. We even went out and rode on his 4 wheeler... that was too cool. He let me go off on my own, its funny how trying something new like that can be so exhilerating and scary all in one shot.....like a roller coaster ride, but you control how long you are on. He's had the thing for some time but after seeing Dennis's when I was out in Arizona earlier this month I have been thinking....hmm maybe, but do I want a boat, a jet ski or an atv. Hard choice to make. I want all, but thats just well 'impracticle' and crazy, well then again its me. My dad had several really good things for me to think about especially if I decide to get a boat. For some reason he really emphasised taking a boating class, hmm I wonder if that has something to do with his confidence level in me :P (of course you would have to know my history when I first got my drivers license and all that he went through with me way back when) 4 car wrecks later Ill add I am a awesome driver!

Anyway.......so yesterday I found my way to a boat store. I found the boat I want :) An 8 passenger Challenger with only 215HP! :) The girl that was there who I believe owns the shop she got me all excited and believing I could handle this thing no problem. Am I out of my mind for seriously considering this???????????????????????????? Ill mention again ITS HOT!

Have I forgotten Im broke? Nope :) just dreaming!

Random Thoughts of Happiness.....in a mixed up mind

Tonights been a rather emotional one for me. My children came home emotional after being with their father again. Frustration and tears filled my head after hearing some of the things that took place there so in a great need to escape my mind and the things flying through it I took the girls out and walked on the beach till the sun set. We then headed over to Dairy Queen for ice cream. Ill add that it is a sad state of affairs that the soft served ice cream we grew up with as kids ....the special ones .....the ones dipped in chocolate just do not taste as sweet as I remember them as a child.

I thought in an attempt to focus on the happier moments or thoughts in my mind. Or more appropriately to bring them more to the forefront of my mixed up mind Id list out a few random things that make me happy.

• Watching the sunset
• Recognizing God's beauty around me
  
• Watching waves crest on the shore
• Surfers in the water (Ill admit watching them biff it is really what I enjoy :) )
• Roses..........actually a single rose
• Puppies and kittens
• driving topless (the car) in the evening air
• laughter
• chick flicks
• a great sermon
  
• a great book
• being loved, and loving someone
• rainbows
• laughing till I cry
• Great conversation
• being hugged
• driving fast
• playing tennis
• learning something new and unexpected
• completing a challenging task
• writing
• playing games with friends and family
• photography
• waterfalls
• holding hands
• dancing
• helping someone
• COFFEE!
• laughing
• Christmas
• Music
• dolphins
• friendships
  

Final random thought.........Im thinking I need to add to my 101 list learn to surf, or attempt to surf. Ever since I was a child I remember my grandmother from Iowa asking me....Jenice when are you going to learn to surf. Sharks grandma, SHARKS! But this summer I keep watching the waves and thinking, I want to try it I want to try to surf!

Senseless Sensibility

I should be sitting here working on the piece I want to resubmit to Comfort Cafe on Monday but its just now cooling off enough to think again. Todays been hot. No. Todays been REALLY hot. Yeah thats about right. So did I accomplish anything today? Good question.....thats where my cute phrase......senseless sensiblity comes to play. I like that term......no I know what you are thinking....I am NOT senseless. I just feel like I have momentary lapses of sensiblilty. Yes, I realize Im talking about absolutely NOTHING but well I suppose Im just in one of those kinda moods. Oh yes and I just watched Failure to Launch......cute movie :) but then again I do like Matthew McConahaughey.

So today....its hot and I decided in a momentary lapse of sensiblility it was time to replase that air conditioner I well dropped out of my bedroom window last winter. Arrrrgh.......that would have been a momentary LAPSE of sensibility. But then again that was last year. Have I mentioned its HOT here ....yes well it was nearing 100 degrees in my bedroom this afternoon so it was time to take measures to correct that. So I decided to buy a new air conditioner. Great! Thinking it through I decided a portable one would be the best senario. No need to drop it out of the window come winter when Im feezing my butt off again :) . So off to Fry's I went.

I think I have the word sucker written across my head, or was it available single Im not sure, anyway..............I ended up purchasing a new air conditioner. . . . With tax, 400 dollars or so. He convinced me that this was the model they had the least amount of returns on. However, no one mentioned to me that just because it was portable it wouldn't need to be connected to a window. So now, I have this great rolling air conditioner....that has a huge pipe that needs to be vented to a window. Hmmmm...........my sensibility has failed me. I do realize Im blonder this time of the year but still. Additonallly when you buy this sort of purchase you would think you would get connections and connectors that well are worthy of the price tag. I thought wrong. I get a foam piece with a hole in it and connectors that WILL not stay connected to the according style pipe. That was only the first hurdle.

The sales man did inform me to make sure I kept the air conditioner upright or I wouldn't be able to use it for 24 hours. Well great.....I brought with me the convertible. Ha....that wasn't the biggest obsticle, the top of the car came down and in went the unit. The problem..........getting it in the house, by myself. I well ............bows her head in a bit of embarrassment, forgot this small fact and well to get it up the stairs....I layed the unit down. So I sit here.....hot, miserable and contemplating my fit of senseless sensibility. But I do like that phrase :)

"Stick a fork in it!"

Its funny how certain comments stand out for years to come after they are made. I think its all the more reason we have to choose our words carefully when we offer advice and encouragement to one another. Sometimes though, just a small comment can make huge differences to the hearts of those you care about. Over the past few years a few people have come into my life that made huge impacts in my recovery of my 'self' worth. Comments like "Sometimes you just need to stick a fork in it", "he didn't ruin you", and more recently, "Jenice, you just are running full speed ahead instead of walking".

The later of the three comments that come quickly to my mind is one that was just made to me. Dennis is right. I am or I do have a tendency to get excited and run full speed ahead and not stop to think about the things or how it might effect all things concerned. A few months ago when I got excited and filled my plate up with way too many classes is one perfect example of this. More recently I am heading into this same old pattern again. Working at the church 2 days a week, participating in a fellowship group, taking leadership courses and now I think I can add in a job. I want to sell things on ebay, I want to paint rooms of the house, I want to do tooooo much. Thats a big reason why participating in the 101 project was so appealing to me.....I like to accomplish things. The worst part is this is summer, and my head is spinning. Wait till school starts up again later next month and Im driving in two different directions.

I know the Lord has stirred things up in my heart for a reason. Im passionate about serving and helping. I know that has been something missing or a huge part of whats been missing inside of me since I had to stop being active in ministry about 3 years ago. A sabbaticle was necessary. Necessary for so many reasons. But today I feel like I can take on so much more again. The thing is Im floundering at times trying to prioritize.

Maybe this is the next piece of the puzzle the Lord wants me to work on. I know towards the end of my marriage I had taken on so many aspects of ministry and trying to be the best at all of that plus the best mother, best wife, most of it I did'nt suceed at. Sure some of it was to fill an emptiness that I have learned that no man can ever completely fill, only the Lord can, but I know there is more to this. Maybe, just maybe the Lord wants me to look at myself now closer and get this part of the puzzle worked out for my future ahead.

Sometimes, oh heck....most of the time, a hug just about now would be the greatest source of comfort. Funny thing is while I was driving eariler today I almost felt hugged....oh wait maybe that was me driving a bit too fast again :)

The perplexities of change

( I like that word....if it is a word :)--probably because it has 2 of the letter P's like peach in it )

"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become."

I've been thinking lately alot about changes. The past 3 years have brought about a lot of changes to my life. Change is scary for a lot of people. I think honestly it probably scares more of us then we would admit. The older we get we find the 'routine' of our 'normal' lives are easier to set in motion each day then to grab ahold of anything new or challenging that might come our way. We wake up each morning and expect our cars to start to take us to work, to school or wherever we may be set to go to without pause, and only stop to think about it if those vehicles don't start up for us the way we 'expected' them to.

People fear moving out of their comfort zones. Moving out of their 'homes', their towns, jobs, their lives into something that is........unknown. The unknown territory or places of our lives are the places that cause us to tremble and stumble. Funny thing is, those are the places we grow closer to Christ and closer to the ones we love as we stumble our way through those 'scary' places. I've seen this too often these past few years.

It would be so easy to stop and complain and carry on about how horrible it is to go through much of what the kids and I have been through especially early on, but I choose to only see those changes now as positive ones. Postive ones Jenice, how in the world could going through a divorce and watching your family get ripped apart be a postive change? Positive in that, Im a stronger, healthier person today then I was 3 years ago. Before my life took a complete 360 degree turn, and left remains much like that of whats left after a tornado hits a home of my life I was relying to much on my own ability to make things happen. Anyone who knows me first hand would say Im a capable person. I was raised by a mom and dad who wouldn't pay to have much done for them so I learned early on how to take care of things. Give me a hammer, Ill hang up dry wall, give me a good receipe Ill cook it up no problem, give me a textbook Ill teach my children.......Strength in my ability was never something I questioned, until a year or so ago. Its funny when you are lead on a brand new path and see the positive elements of those changes, when you try to turn back to your old ways you know something is just 'wrong'. It almost seems to rub me raw now when I try to do things 'my' way. Thats the kind of change Im talking about. The change of attitude and position in life. Am I in control of the outcome? Absolutely not. Can I make a difference? Absolutely I can. Can I wake up each morning and face the challenges of change with a positive look? You betcha! Will I continue to struggle with change? I guarantee it!

I know that much about myself, but I also know that watching some people who can't wait to take a vacation but then the stress of the things that are involved in taking one become to great and it ruins it for her.........I don't ever want that to be who I am. The stress of change should be something we yearn and look forward to seeing what God is going to do with us in the process. Not something we cower in a corner and run from.

Change in all things is sweet.
Aristotle

“The key to change... is to let go of fear.” Rosanne Cash

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Maria Robinson

Crawdad!

This is just one of those moments where you have to smile. My california raised children have led a sheltered life....here she shows off the crawdad she caught up on the Rim in Arizona.

Welcome Back to Weirdness!

Today after my trip home I had to hit the market considering we had NOTHING to eat in the house. I know for those of you who know me you probably find that hard to believe, but really no milk, oj,eggs etc. So off I went. Its hard when you have been out of the busy California lifestyle to reenter it. I sat in line and finally got up to the register. The man behind the counter knew me and started talking to me, I was a little spaced out from driving so he asked me why I was out of sorts. Of course I responded I had been in Arizona for a while and just got home and had to get something to eat. As we were chatting breifly a minister came up behind me. He started talking to the clerk about needing a money order or something. I wasn't really paying attention to the conversation UNTIL all of a sudden he looks over to me and says......"This woman needs a husband" OK SERIOUSLY .......DO I HAVE THAT IMPRINTED ON MY HEAD OR WHAT! California weirdness alright. He then looks over to the clerk and says, she would be good for you, you two should talk. Ok now Im laughing I almost want to shout.... HELLO! Im in VONS getting groceries Im trying to hold back my fluster of emotions from this trip and this is what I walk into! Ooooof! or is that Arrrrrrgh! The minister walks away and says ok Ill leave you two alone now. I chuckle to keep things from being awkward with the clerk and he continues to finish ringing me up. Outside the minister happened to drive by me and apologized for embarrasing me if he had. I told him to think nothing of it.........BUT HONESTLY do I look that DESPERATE?

The clerks final comment to me after we laughed about the walk in match maker....... "Welcome back to California Weirdness"