Roadtrip Requirements

Tomorrow morning I head out on another road trip. Its amazing how much work it can take to get ready for a trip yet how when their is a sweet reward attached to the work you don't think to grumble, complain, and even consider how much you are doing. This week has been rough preparing for conferences, grading papers, taking care of a puppy, poets tea for the girls at school, classwork for myself to get done early, laundry, all the weekend things one does but needs to do ahead of time in order to not have the work waiting upon your return. Oh yes and new tires! :) No more squeelin around the corners for me!

So here I am, ready. Packed, prepared, and yet Im not tired? Impatience getting the better of me. Tomorrow I drop off the kids with their father and head out to Arizona, and what is needed for a good roadtrip?

MUSIC
FOOD

Two simple basic necessities. More specifically, the type of food. Red vines, French burnt peanuts, nutter butters, and blow pops. Protein, protein and well junk food. What more could one want for? I blame my mother. Its a stand by excuse we have to use in our lifetime. When you can't figure out what else to blame. Blame mom! I can remember years ago my mother packing those burnt peanuts and me begging for them but she wouldn't share! :) Blow pops I haven't had a craving for in years, probably because of the amount I craved while being pregnant countless times. But its a stand bye, now if I can only be patient enough to not bite into the candy. Here's hoping!

I enjoy driving. I look forward to simple road trips. I enjoy the time it gives me to reflect and think about where Im at, what I need to work towards, and where God has me today. It gives me opportunity to see the beauty away from the grind of life. So the obsticale of having a 7 hour drive between seeing my sweetheart and here, not so bad.....its just a miserable drive home.

The More you do right the more you do right

That was the piece of advice or one of the pieces of advice Coach Tom offered me yesterday during my one on one lesson with him. I had signed up for a private lesson to work on my backhand but that wasn't what we ended up working on. He started me off on my serves and we spent the next hour and 20 minutes working on it. It bugged me at first spending money on a lesson to work on a serve. I could work on my serve any ol time.....ha! Little did I know how SCREWED up my serve was. As he stated we cleared up some fundamental problems.........some of mine that is :)

He gave me the advice half way through the lesson that the more you do right the more you do right. This was after he had attached 5 pound weights to my wrists to make sure they would drop after the wind up. Its funny how so little weight makes a big difference. I thought after he removed them my arms would fly away......silly peach!

I've been thinking about that advice all day long and night. I think its true in so many areas of our lives. The more we try to do right or right to others, the easier it is to continue to do right. If we set our paths on the right path, the doors open without kicking them in. The windows don't need to be cracked, they open with ease. If we follow the path God has for us, life just goes a little bit smoother. Thanks coach!

The buck stops here

Tuesday while I was at church working there was a bit of a stir. It amazes me or better put it amazed me over what. I work with Dan who is the head of the Graphic Arts department. His office is, as you would expect full of designs, concepts, and "STUFF". There is always boxes and things sitting around the office when I come in. Not so surprising considering he is behind the stage sets for all of the different venues our church has and just about every flyer, brochure, or pamphlet that is created. On a typical weekend North Coast has, I believe, over 6000 people come through the doors at all the different locations/venues.

Outside of the office this morning I found out after I had been there only 10 minutes was a music stand with a dollar bill on it. This single dollar bill attracked more attention then I would have ever expected. In fact a big part of me almost wanted to say 'is this a test'. A test to see how many people would ask about the dollar. A test to see who would ask if it was anyones dollar. A test simply to see how many people would be effected by a single dollar bill sitting on that music stand. When I arrived that dollar bill must have been there as I walked by and entered the office. I never noticed it. But it appeared to me, after the repeated interruptions that no one else seemed to walk by without asking. The one comment that was repeated if you wonder was, "should I add this to the offering". That made me laugh. But of course that would be the comment made within the church. One person though made the comment, "Does this mean the buck stops here?" Cute.... that comment really caught my attention to that single dollar bill. I was reminded of this event at church this weekend when pastor Chris talked and used another illustration of a $5 dollar bill being attached to a fishing pole and the man hid and threw it out. Upon being spotted floating in the water another man started to chase this $5 dollar bill until he found out that it was attached to the pole and he had been chasing the 'almighty dollar' around.

What am I spending my life chasing around? For years I was in a marriage that focused on making more, earning more, having more. More of what? This weekends sermon titled For Richer for Poorer spoke to my heart. We can't take things with us when we depart here. Our riches, the things we will look back on as the years pass on will not be "That plasma screen I had 20 years ago was so cool!" or "Remember that Ipod dear we had back in the early 2000's wasn't that a cool thing to own?" No we won't look back as the years pass on and think about the things we wished we would have owned or purchased or had the money to have. We will look back and remember the people that crossed our paths and the ones we hurt or didn't help when we were given that opportunity.

The last post I had the opportunity to write here was about my Tuesday and how hectic it was. I was in tears that night thinking about how my life passed by me that day and I had no control over it. Later on during the week the lady of one of the sons I had brought home that day called me to see how schooling had been going for me. She had had one of my "Tuesdays" that Friday. She called and needed encouragement. I was in tears after I got off that phone with her realizing that I was a help again. By being there, understanding, listening, I was able to help her. Time is something we don't have great quantities of. Time is something we question never having enough of. But when we stop to offer time to someone who crosses our paths, we end up blessed in ways unexplainable. Essentially, the buck does stop here. It stops with each one of us. What will we do with the time we are given here, who will we influence, encourage or help?

Not enough time in the day!

I'm just not the type of person who enjoys living the way I have been these past few weeks. My days are blurring into a blob of events and this causes me to move into a 'survival' mode of existing and not enjoying life each day. The only reason I have at the moment for sitting down and being able to write this is simply one, I'm waiting on the Chevrolet dealer's shuttle to come and pick me up to pick up the repaired suburban (completely under warranty! woo hoo!) and that after tennis the past two days and maybe from lifting weights (and having not been the the gym for 2 weeks before that) on Monday Im sooooo soooore! My right arm literally feels like it could fall off of the socket right now :) The coach really seemed to get a kick out of the fact he got us to really work out, I did too until I woke up this morning! If this is what it feels like to get older, I'm NOT going to enjoy this much!

Taking time out to smell the roses hasn't been an option for me as of lately. That isn't living. The alarm clock sounds off -- and now the puppy -- around 6:30 am and I am going full speed ahead until7 - 8 at night Ill be still going till almost 9 tonight since I don't pick up the girls from Awana's until 8:30. This is the hardship of being a single parent. The reality of the fact that my children do have another parent in their life helps, but then again it doesn't. He gets to 'baby-sit' the kids now and again. He hasn't been an active 'parent' now for at least 5 years. That leaves it all on my shoulders.

I don't really know what has changed. Thats the part of this puzzle that confuses me. Why is it I feel so overwhelmed? Thats a question I have been pondering in my quiet time each evening. Am I trying to do to much still Lord? There are a lot of question marks in my life right now. That much I know to be true. But there is still so much I want to do. A new friend wrote this past week and has encouraged me to 'carve' out time to write. I've been thinking about this non stop. Where do I find the time, how do I make the time to do something that I believe with my heart is so important for so many reasons to do. I want to keep working on this book. I want to make the time for it. How do I do that Lord? Show me where to find more time in the day.

Most homeschoolers will feel very overwhelmed the first month back to school. While Im homeschooling in a way still (half the time with the girls), I don't have the pressure of questioning myself as I use to about if I was doing enough, or too much? Lesson plans are now prepared by the kids teachers, I just make sure they are taught and finish their work. At the ages they are within a couple of months it will even flow smoother. Maybe thats my answer. I'm back to that same old issue I have always struggled with..........impatience! I want it all to be smooth now.

Why did I add another graphics class onto my busy, hectic week? GOOD QUESTION!

A Glimpse of yesterdays day........it maybe uninteresting to many but for me I may find it helpful just looking it over and or looking back on it later.

6:30 alarm went off Up, coffee, breakfast, round up the kids, lunches, etc
7:10 back up alarm, Dennis calls to make sure Im awake
7:30 out the door, all 4 kids loaded, yelled at, morning like usual :)
8:00 dropped all kids off (Andrew went with carpool to High School)
8:30 back at home, clean up the house (partially--read over email, get ready to go to church)
9:30- 10:00 Get to church and work till noon
Noonish -Leave church head home to let puppy out and look over the bills (like I have time to pay them!)
12:20 Deal with the Chevy dealer about Suburban
12:30 Talk with Dennis, get gas, head to market
Shop....what was I buying again?
1:30 home unload groceries, clean out refrig to make room, etc. let puppy out again, yell at her for chewing on my blanket
2:15 head to the school to pick up the girls
2:30 pick up girls and head home
2:50 home drop off girls and head to the High School
3:15 get to the High school wait on the 3 boys Im picking up, try to figure out how to get a full sized dolly into the convertible
3:40 Get to Drop off point in Vista drop off the two boys
3:50 get home drop off Andrew pick up Jessica and the Puppy
4:05 Get to the 4:00 appointment for Puppys well check
5:00 leave .......took WAY TOO LONG!
5:20 Home, get ready for Tennis
5:40 leave for Tennis
6:00 - 7:00 Play Tennis
7:20 Home, clean up dinner (kids made their own dinner.....thankfully!)
8:00 Collapse and cuddle the kids
8:15 prayers and tuck in the girls
8:30 collapse on bed and call Dennis

Thats it! :) You thought I was goofing and thought I sat on the couch all day eating bon bons and watching soaps didn't you! ;)

I thank the Lord for cell phones, because honestly without one I would never get any appointments made or friends talked with. I do most of that while sitting on the freeway in TRAFFIC!

The Newest Addition...The Journey

A new addition joined our family on Friday, September 15, 2006. I am grateful to have something else to remember that date for instead of what it has been for the past 3 years. September 15, 2003 marked the end of my marriage, 14 1/2 years after it began. Three years later, I can stand back and say I am blessed to have lived the life and am blessed to be where I am at today.

The girls and I made a trip of it that morning. We headed up to Palmdale to pick up our 'little sweetheart'. We made the trip easily in 3 hours and that included stopping for Starbucks, Gas and getting lunch at In and Out (a California staple). Its been years since I was up there, and it kind of bummed me out I couldn't have stayed longer to visit with my Aunt and Uncle who live in that area, but I knew that since it was Friday we needed to head back out as quickly as possible. We stayed and played with the remaining 4 puppies, the momma dog and saw a handful of other Shelties. Breeders are such 'interesting' people, they know the dogs they are raising well, and are sticklers to making sure they are placed well and going to be well taken care of. Two of the 3 girls are huge animal lovers, so that wasn't a problem. Emily on the other hand, well, lets just say the lady there noticed right away her indifference to the puppies. I wasn't worried, even today I saw her playing with 'Cleo' on her lap, Em just needs time to warm up to the animals, but never takes to them immediately. So after paying the bill having her go over the paperwork with a fine tooth comb, we headed home.

I thought I was going to be smart and get lucky in the path I had chosen to go home. I thought wrong. I believe my mother is right, coming through LA on a Friday....just plan to live on the freeway. We did! We left Palmdale at 2:00 pm and got home around 7:30 pm. I was talking to Dennis as I drove up, he had been worried about me, Ill explain that in a minute, that if one is going to drive for over 5 hours in a car it is rather disappointing not to see him at the other end of such a drive. I suppose this could be another of my potential arguments later if I need to move, "Well, I could move up a bit and still be in California but it would still take you 5 hours to see the kids even though it would really only be 2 hours apart!!" Sadly they are saying that the congestion of this area will be 80 percent worse in the next few years. I want out! So home we went, slowly............and then the clunk.

“A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials.” Chinese Proverb

When Dennis had been out a couple weeks before, he had looked over the suburban and told me I needed to get those tires replaced, but we decided this trip wouldn't be too much on them. We were right, but as luck would have it, or my luck with transmissions, the clunk, was the transmission. Of course this is still all my best guess, I have yet to get the truck into the dealer or shop, but after having had every car need a transmission replaced that I have owned to date, Im quite positive thats what is acting up. The only good news is that I did have this transmission replaced 2 1/2 years ago, so it is still under warranty ( I think). So we clunked our way home with a puppy in the back puking every now and again. Poor thing. I didn't want to stop, I didn't want the truck to stop working. I didn't want to die in the middle of the lanes either so I had to take the slow lane all the way home. If you know me you can imagine how difficult that was for me. A journey is what we had. One that makes you stop and fall apart, or look to God. I do thank God that I have had enough experience now in life to stop reacting, and start thinking. I did call Dennis immediately and did my best to explain in my female way what the heck was going on with the truck. He offered some good advice, encouraged me and off I continued. I called ahead and prepared my parents, talked with Luke who lives along that path I was taking home and had people ready to help me if I needed it. My head was thinking clearly. Something that a few years ago I could honestly say wouldn't have happened. In fact it didn't happen. With the first flood of three in that period of 1 1/2 years my head was clouded and even feeling self pity. Why me? This time it was, OK Lord, what am I going to get to learn this time. .... oh and PLEASE just let me get home safely! :) honest I am! I spent many hours looking over Philippians 4 in the past, but today I can now say it is easier to look at it in the way the scriptures lay it out. That in all things, whatever the circumstances, consider it pure joy. To find contentment with what we have where we are at, not sitting back waiting for it to drop in our laps, mind you, but knowing with Christ on our side, we can do everything through him go gives us the strength. (paraphrased)

I made it home, I finished the first part of this new journey, the joy of driving up knowing I was being looked out for, but had been prepared for whatever layed out that afternoon was pretty awesome. And so with that I present.....My Lords "Cleopatra"........a little sweet heart!

We have had a few stare downs by "Cleo" and kitty (boo-boo) so far, at this point I fear more for Cleo since I don't believe she has ever been in the presence of a cat before, so we are working at just keeping the two calm around each other for now. :)
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Floundering for Air

Last week was the first official week of 'school' in that all the kids were attending, all going different directions, awanas, piano, me redecorating a bedroom, and well about another dozen items going on at the same time. I did get a fresh breath of air getting away this past weekend with Dennis in Laughlin. Shopping for boats, looking at motorcycles--Harley's--, stopped by a Toyota dealer to test drive that new FJ (which they didn't have in stock........grr) we were DREAMING big and having fun window shopping like crazy. We even stumbled onto a Stock Car race happining in Havasu that weekend and I got to sit and watch my first in person live race. Too Cool! Its funny when you think about how exciting it is to watch those cars speed up FAST and crash over and over and over again. But I loved it!

That weekend lifted me out of last week and gave me a fresh breath of air, something I needed desparately. This week Im back in the thick of it, but its going smoother. Most of the rough edges smoothed out, the fact that I am no longer the primary teacher for my son, but more of an assisted coach along side him, the girls easing in and getting their work done without as many tears, and well me with a fresh look. That is until I got the call.

My ex wanting to take the kids into Mexico. Ill admit it, I haven't been able to sleep a wink. For many looking at it objectively they might even think its a good idea, going to an orphanage and all, but you have to know my ex, like I do, and realize it won't be what he is painting it to be, and Ill admit it...Im scared. Dennis was so good to let me just 'cry' it out last night, but I think after weighing all the pros and cons, talking to those who know my ex, and well considerable amount of prayer, Im going to tell him no. But thats the part that scares me the most. Saying no to him, and facing the possible lashback. Last night I was telling Dennis that maybe it was just another lesson of me needing to learn to let go, but maybe just maybe its a brand new lesson of learning to stick to my convictions and not let fear run me over. Keep me in your prayers as I give this another night to consider and pray and that I make the best decision I can.

Floundering I am! With a brand new addition hitting our family on Friday! Yes my children finally get to have that puppy they have been begging me for for 3 years! :) I expect to get very little sleep over the next few weeks :)

Perpetually LATE!

Have you ever had one of those days that it didn't matter what you did you were perpetually late? This seemed to be a never ending issue for me today no matter what I was trying to do or where I was trying to go. Up until a little bit ago when I finally said enough I sat down to talk to Dennis a bit. It started to hit me how long a day is when you begin it at 6:30 in the morning.

Today was the first day of high school for my son. Im just to stinking young to have a child in high school! This sentiment was stated to me by Gail as we sat in the parking lot waiting for the carpooling arrangment to come together at the girls school. Im grateful for the women who will be helping me in this venture, taking children to two schools in two different towns approximately 17 miles apart is a pain. One I hope will serve well, but right now its just giving me a never ending head ache trying to piece together all the things to make this work. I have to agree with Gail, I do think Im just too young to have a high school student as well, but be that as it may, I do, he is, and well Im tired!

When I find myself having a day like I did today, it makes me sit back and wonder why? Why was I perpetually late to just about everything I did or drove to today. The stop lights seriously were plotting against me! I mean it seemed to me that each time I approached a green light it turned purposefully to stop me. That kind of thing gets under my skin. What or why was I prevented from getting to where I needed to get on time? Was I suppose to learn something or pick up on something I didn't get outside of the frustration of sitting on the 78 freeway yet again?

It is never too late to be what you might have been.
- George Eliot (1819-1880) -

Can you control happiness or does it just happen?

If you had asked me things I would have been nervous about doing in my life ahead a few years ago, bringing someone home to meet your parents would not have been on my list. That wasn't something I would have ever thought I would have been facing doing again. Its funny how life changes.

This weekend the kids and I brought Dennis out to meet my parents. He didn't know till afterwards that I had been a little nervous about doing this. I fessed up after the fact :P Maybe its the people pleaser in me, but when I care about people in my life I want them all to get along. Its probably the same reason why when my ex gets the kids all riled up like he did tonight it bothers me, I want my kids happy, not stressed over the stupid things their father says or does. I care deeply for both my parents and Dennis and really hoped they all would 'snap'. Silly now in looking back how I was nervous about something I really had no control over. People will either 'connect' or they won't. Worring about things won't get you any closer to solving the issue. Worring wont make someone happy. I suppose Im still a slow learner when it comes to this. Maybe its simply I just want everyone to be happy. I wonder if thats really possible. Does that make me selfish for wanting that? Is everyones happiness about me or them? Something I think I have been learning more in life recently is this, I cannot control weather someone else in my life is happy or not. I cannot bring happiness into someones life. I can let go and just let happen. I can keep my eyes focused upward. I can let happiness enter my life. I can be happy, and that often times is the start of a trickle down effect that allows others to be happy. But I cannot control the level or amount or timing of. Its not me, its He. Let be.

:) yes one of my nonsensical moments

Where did those Dog days of summer go?

Where did those Dog Days of summer go? And who the heck came up with that phrase? Grrr, now Im going to have to go and look into that! Summers over! Well kinda sorta. Dennis is coming out this weekend so we will fit some time in at the beach, but those weekdays at the beach are OVER!

Getting the kids all back into the run of things, ok ok honestly getting ME back into the swing of things is hard. Yes Im going to whine....so let me! Having to wake up at 6:30 am again....arrrgh my purse emptied for all it has (money wise...the kids aways leave the bills there :P), money for field trips, school or class shirts, Andrews laptop and ipod insurance.....go figure they give the kids toys and we have to pay the insurance :P, gala baskets (don't ask what that is :P) and well all the fun things the kids NEED to have for school. Backpacks, pencils, erasers (not just any kind you know...pink ones), notebooks, folders, jeans, shirts, belts, arrrrgh the list it goes on and on. I just was starting to think I almost had it finished and today I get a letter from the High School for all the things Andrew will need. At least with boys....now why I only have one ?....arrgh, they don't care so much about the clothing, and such as the girls do. He's quite happy with his Vans, Levis and tee shirts. Although the backpack for his laptop and gear to all fit was a pricey $89 from ebags. I can't see getting a laptop and throwing it into a backpack like a book.....well I could see it, thats why the pricey investment. Anyway.....if you aren't a parent ....yet.....the months of August and September, well just plan on being BROKE! :) Piano starts back up ( and I have to admit here I was going to pull the kids this year from piano not seeing how I could continue to pay for it. Annette she's blessing me and I will be getting 3 girls lessons for the price of 2 or almost under 2. Plus Annette herself will be teaching Ashley....I am anxious to see how much she will really improve with the owner teaching her.) Awanas starts back up. Again blessed here by changing churches and paying half of what I did last year! That was two of the ways God really blessed me last week all of this came about on that Wednesday. Amazing huh!

The thing is while Im complaining here, I am doing it more for fun, I love my kids and want them to have the absolute best life they can. No I don't want to buy their happiness, but at the same time...I don't ever complain (well too much) about having to get things for them. Thats what being a parent (single parent) is all about :)