Rain Rain Go Away.........

This has been my song today. I don't like rain much.....but then again I think most who know me know that. I am a 'sunny' girl....a California chick who likes the SUN! Anyone living in a part of the world who has more rain then we get down here...I feel sorry for you. It must be rather depressing.

I know this past week of rain that we have had, and its hardly been a week considering a couple of times the sun came out during most of the day and dried things back out before the rain came back, has been more then enough rain for the rest of the year as far as I am concerned. Its put me in a bad mood. From worrying about the state of this home, to just not wanting to venture out because of the rain and people down here just don't know how to drive in the rain. I could go on, in fact I will. I swear, it starts to sprinkle and the freeways shut down! People slow down and drive like snails. Its completely ridiculous! Trust me my children have heard me go on and on and on about this. I don't like the rain! I like being outdoors.....but not outdoors in the RAIN!

My son, fortunately or not, fortunate in that I lived through it, learned to drive last week IN THE RAIN. Who teaches a 15 year old how to drive at NIGHT and in the RAIN....well the old guy who was paid to teach him didn't seem to care that it was RAINING. I don't think my nerves will ever be the same after that night of worrying like crazy until I picked him back up! Motherhood is hard enough but adding in things like last Wednesday night...PLEASE! I haven't had the guts to get in the car yet with Andrew....mostly because I have had the flu on top of things...but really because of the rain.

Did I mention how much I hate rain?

Envy.....of ones own daughter

My daughter is going to be 'published'. BEFORE I get to have something published! I'm envious, but in a good way. I am very proud of her.

She wrote a poem late last year and entered it into a contest. She is a runner up and will be published in a book of all the contenders in the publication "A celebration of Young Poets." Maybe this will stir me on to continue and start submitting works of my own. Its easier to encourage others then it is to to find the guts to send off your own work and see what someone else thinks. But all the same I am envious :)

Bread.....Not Chocolate BREAD!

Im not your typical female. I take pride in that fact. When it comes to craving or food there is one important factor for me when considering where I eat. Its the bread. Panera Bread is one of my favorite places to eat. Nothing else is really like this place were you can have a 'restaurant like' food in the speed of fast food. But honestly its all about the bread.

I don't usually walk out of a place I decide to eat at, but if no bread....no eat. Not to long ago on a Saturday night I went to a Panera Bread after church. Longing for the Baked Potato Soup I was disappointed to find out ....they were sold out. Bummer...but Ok, Ill have the Fuji Apple Chicken Salad instead....with FRENCH BREAD. Even bigger bummer, they were out of French Bread. Now I could go on about this.....like how in the world does a place who has bread in their name run out of bread...but simply put, I walked out.

Now faced with moving in a few months to a place that doesn't have a Panera Bread (at least in the town Ill be living in) I am determined to learn how to create that soup. I can make fresh bread just fine....I learned that very early on in my childhood....but the soup?

Today I made my first attempt. The result....its good...but its not Panera Bread....so the quest goes on to make my favorite soup!

DejaVu my house is not my own

Years ago when I first started having children a transformation occurred within the home. My home transformed into a ..... zoo is the best word I can come up with. Playpens, jumpers, bouncers took over the house. The 'home' I had painstakingly worked to put together....transformed. Little people running around, crawling all over....the house changed....for the better Ill add :)

Today I feel with teenagers in the home I realized I am feeling the same way. My living room looks like a rock concert with Guitars and Drum sets sitting about. Video Game central is more like it then a place to relax. My bedroom is where I can go to ... get away.

I sit here typing while the kids are in the other room rocking out to Rock Band. This generations way for kids to 'unwind' from the boat load of school work they have to do. I bite my tongue when I feel like complaining. The older two came home with Honor Roll Awards on Monday from having 3.5 or higher grade point averages for the first semester of High School this year. Huge accomplishments when you look at their work load. Yesterday they talked me into trying out the game. Between Guitar Hero and Rock Band this home is hardly ever 'quiet' any more. Its a stressful game! There is so much to be decided right now I find myself easily stressed out. Where will we live (besides the obvious... Arizona) ...narrowing down a wedding date in the next few months and all that goes into planning a 'stress free' wedding. What to do with this house is a huge problem. It needs work to sell, we decided to not allow that to be a deterrent from setting a date and getting married. So we may have two homes for a bit...we will let the Lord figure that part out. Moving date....this summer seems to make sense so the kids can finish up the school year uninterrupted. But when to set the 'date'? News with that soon I suspect :)

A Story worth repeating with a bit of 'peach' theology mixed in

A man sits in the LAX airport waiting for his 6:10 flight to New York City. He knows this route well since he takes this flight back and forth twice a week and has been doing it for 7 years now. He knows the people, he has his laptop, he knows what he can get done during this time, he knows the airlines, he knows the plane. He could do this blindfolded.

In another corner of this crowded gate, a elderly woman is surrounded by her family. They keep saying words of encouragement to make her feel better since she has never flew before. She is scared to death. She has a family member she needs to see on the other side of the US and this is the fastest way to get there.

Minutes pass like hours for her and finally there is the last boarding call. Her family stays with her and even follows her down the passageway as far as they can go encouraging her along the way. Bidding her good bye the gate closes.

Who arrives first?

Chris was on a role this Sunday at church. He had us sitting on the edge of our seat trying to figure out the simple answer to my simplified version of his story. The entire church was thinking it was a trick question. My head was going in circles....well if she is in the front of the plane she would be there first. Well, since she needs assistance and would be off the plane after the man, he would be there first. Silly huh. It was simple............the both arrived at the same time.

Faith was what Chris was talking about. His story was to teach us about faith. Faith the size of a mustard seed. I don't know about you but this has always been one of those verses that stumped me. There are a few that I have a hard time wrapping my head around. While I have been attending church since I was a small girl at 5 there are several Bible stories I have heard over and over again. Some I hold true to my heart, and some I still to this day struggle to understand. The woman who had faith and was sick and reached out to touch Jesus when he passed by. I got that kind of faith.....the kind of faith that you could could understand. She believed in Christ so much that she just wanted to touch Him. But faith the size of a mustard seed.....that kind can be good enough....I really have struggled with this.

The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” He replied, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.
—Luke 17:5-6 NIV


Chris's story held my heart on Sunday. I have been thinking about it ever since. I can have a small bit of faith and be willing to take a small step forward and it amounts to the same thing in God's eyes as a man who has all the faith in the world. I took the step....that's all God asked for....I have the faith, its all he requires of me. We both get there at the same time.....regardless of the 'quantity' of our faith.

Careful for what you hope for.....it just may happen

Five years ago my marriage of 13 years was coming to an end. This was the month I was served divorce papers and I can recall months after thinking and dreaming of what the perfect conversation would be that I would wanted so desperately to have with my soon to be ex husband. I dreamed this imaginary apology in my mind up over and over again for the months that followed....but in the back of my mind I really honestly never thought it would happen.

This week I picked up the phone and called my ex husband. After informing him of my engagement I thought it might help the kids if I talked with him before they headed over this weekend. My ex has been flipping out a bit. Calling the kids more then ever, writing emotional letters.....I knew I had to do something. I just really wasn't prepared for what happened. I am not even sure I can write about it and do it justice....but here it goes.

For a few months now my ex has been on an emotional path. Asking the kids to forgive him for divorcing me, telling my eldest daughter he made a mistake. I knew that he had a lot already on his mind. I just wasn't prepared for him to apologize....and ask for my forgiveness.

I think I felt .... 'numb' in listening to him. In the 24 hours that followed I found it hard to think much again. The cloudiness I spoke of years ago that took hold of my mind, seemed to creep back in. The lies that he had spoken and I allowed myself to start believing in all of a sudden I had to face them again for the lies they were. The monster mask I have had my ex wearing for the past few years came crashing down and I was able to look at him for a few minutes any way as almost human. I don't love this man any longer, but compassion in my heart for the father of my kids scared me more then I can tell you. Luke and Neek as well as Dennis have encouraged me that this is good.... I cant say that....I'm just stunned.

My ex isn't going to stop me from moving. He wants me to move on in my life. He wants me to continue homeschooling the kids. This just has to be a God thing because there is simply no other explanation for it.

In a letter he wrote to my eldest daughter just a day ago he stated 'that divorcing her mother was the biggest mistake of his life'. Maybe somehow Ill find peace in that.

New Year...New Beginnings

I've been thinking about this over this wet and dreary weekend. It's cold, wet and miserably windy outside so I decided to try to stay at home as much as I can since this is the last weekend before school starts back up. The last weekend I am not being stretched here and there, driving myself crazy and having a hard time to breathe.

I have received Congrats from people all over the US and they all have one question....when? Dennis and I haven't narrowed down a date yet for our upcoming wedding. I finally got the guts last night to write my ex and inform him that I was engaged. I think this piece of the puzzle is the scariest to me. How will he handle me wanting to move myself and the kids? Trust God with this is what I tell myself every day, every hour almost. How did I tell him......the easy way...I emailed him :) Then there is the house, (Ive never sold a home) I have to put it up for sale. With the market the way it is, I have no idea how this will work, but again I remind myself to Trust God. I have lived here 17 years. Scary huh. I have lived on this hill in Vista all but 2 years of my entire life.....thats the really scary part. I am especially excited to make this change in my life....it still is rather scary though.

So with all this on my heart I have been trying to narrow down a New Years Resolution. I like defining some sort of goal for myself each year. This year ahead will mark a couple of really big changes for me well three really ....turning 40 (uggggh) and getting married. My son will get his drivers license. Life will change quite a bit this year. I am excited and scared with all of it. Maybe that should be my resolution. To not allow Fear to enter my heart. To replace it each time with trust that God is in control. Easier said then done....but maybe that is the lesson for me this year ahead.

Still Floating--Happy New Year 2008!

This past month has been a whirlwind and I am very certain so will the new year ahead.

I spent the past few days in Arizona with Dennis and his kids. On Sunday after they went back to their mom Dennis and I took the Jeep out and had fun in the snow. Ok, I will admit that having never been out 'playing' in the snow I was scared like crazy that we would slip off and fall into a canyon, but I learned to trust in a way I never knew before.

Sometime during that day I lost an earing. One that he gave me for my birthday last year. Still with tears in my eyes I was searching the front yard when he came out to me and said here I found something for you. Looking up he presented me with a beautiful diamond ring and asked me to marry him. I'm sure you can only guess what my reply was.....a resounding YES and I jumped into his arms. I think I literally floating all the way home yesterday.

The new year ahead will bring about many changes and I am excited!