The Look of Interest

Boy (man) spots girl from across room or area. Girl (woman) spots boy across room or area.....eyes meet, a smile....the look.....the feeling you feel inside. The rush of excitement. Is he interested she wonders? Is she interested he wonders? Will I make a fool of myself showing interest they both ask themselves?

I sat tonight and was reflecting about this as I watched this take place......with me you ask? No not tonight, but I watched it with my daughter. Interestingly enough I sat back and pondered the fact that my daughter actually is interested in someone I would be happy to see something come about......... MUCH LATER in life :P

I dont know which is stranger watching your daughter go through this or going through this again myself in life. But I know this much it all puts a big smile on my face.....:) I suppose really, it is.....all good, strange or not.

Tonight I took the girls to the Truax theater to watch the performance of "Honk". The school they attend has a musical theater group and tonight was opening night. I was honestly VERY impressed with a lot of the talent. I wasn't alone. I ran into a dear friend who has helped direct the musical aspect of a lot of local theater groups. She also commented about the talent that the show had. It was a cute, very cute show...... and yes I watched as the boy my daughter shows interest in look out over the crowd to find my daughter.....strange.....very very strange.

My son made a smart choice, he elected to stay home and go to bed early......3:30 will come about way to early tomorrow morning!

Nothing like a 7 year old to give your spirt a lift ..humble aren't I :P

Jessicas journal entry for today..........completely unprovoked by me (well except to tell her to write 2 more sentences......Im sorry but how could I not!)

Mom
Mommy is nice. She always works to clean the house. She is working out. She is a teacher. She is pretty.


Come on how could anyone not just need that! .......... :P

I won!

Congratulations, Jenice ! You are the winning bidder

on 'Stomp'(2 tickets to 4/15 performance at 2pm
at California Center for the Arts,
Escondido).
Congratulations from Soft Rock KyXy 96.5 FM!

Woot!  I never win this kinda stuff!!!  Whats it cost me?  Nada!
Except a drive to pick up the tickets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This weeks challenge

Warning: Rambling Thoughts ahead

Where yesterday went Im not quite sure, but it flew by and I hardly remember what I did or where I was yesterday...probably because I was in and out of the house at least 6 if not more times. This weeks challenge is to get the house, bills, life, kids, calendar under control. With classes starting next week and really not wanting to feel snowed over, and still have a life in the midst of all this going on I am charging into this week with a vision of getting on top of a lot of loose ends. Yesterday, after some encouragement over the weekend, I got the tax program loaded up, entered in all the easy stuff and this morning I found the contribution receipts I couldn't find last night and finished off my taxes. Printed and sitting here waiting to be mailed. I need to confirm one last number with my ex and then Im good to mail them off...electronically or via mail.

Id been really thinking and praying about what to do about SWC in May. I realy wanted to take the kids to this, but the cost was a concern. We couldn't all decide on which day to attend, that meant the entire event...that would be very costly. But you could say I got the answer I needed after have a scatterbrained conversastion with Bill over next months and even Mays calendar. The next two months will be wilder then usual with when he has the kids (Im not complaining he will actually be having them 4 weekends in a row starting this weekend,--although 2 are only 1 nighters). That will make up for the fact he has only seen them 1 weekend this month and he wont see them after the 4th weekend for close to 4 weeks after. So with that in mind it didn't seem fair to take a weekend away from him in May to see SWC, I looked at it as an answer to my prayers. So with that in place I found a great alternative to the concert. Stomp is coming to town in April, Ive been wanting to see this and I think I can consider it a Broadway production....for my 101 list. Im attempting to win in an auction 2 of the tickets, then Ill only have to buy 3 more....that will end up costing less then half of what attending SWC would have cost. Sweet! :)

I got to spend some time one on one with my son yesterday too. That was great, we had to get some stuff for his upcoming trip so we got to talk quite a bit about it and other things. That made knowing he is leaving for 9 days much easier I think.....yes I plan to be a a little bit of an emotional mess come the end of next week :P

Ashley's home with me today...sick....Im taking Airborne to avoid this cold! But with her home Ive been able to spend some one on one time with her in the midst of all else Im doing....so Im feeling on top of things with my teenagers :)

So to recap...............Get on top of things is my goal for the week :)

Birthday calculator

Im getting a lot of interest email this week :P This one was the Birthday calculator....kinda cool.....

It stated: Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 5.37455968688845 years old. (You're still chasing cats!) Well anyone who knows me knows that! sheeeez :P


It stated this about my birthstone and tree ( I didn't know there were birth trees :P) which I found interesting:

Note to friends who may be getting concerned :P: Im not one to get caught up in the mystery of astrology, stones or anything like that but occasionally I find this stuff interesting.

Your birth tree is

Cedar, the Confidence

Of rare beauty, knows how to adapt, likes luxury, of good health not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, determined, impatient, wants to impress others, many talents, industrious, healthy, optimism, waiting for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.

Your birthstone is Peridot
Peridot is used to help dreams become a reality.

Ive been thinking a lot about the concept of dreams becoming a reality for me lately....and how to attain just that. So maybe thats why it stood out to me :)

My DNA --interesting idea

Benevolent Analyst

If you pass the mouse over the image you see what it analized me at


According to My Personal DNA : You are a Benevolent Analyst.
Not sure how much I agree with this but interesting non the less: Much of it I do agree with.

You are a great person to interact with—understanding, giving, and trusting—in a word, BENEVOLENT

You don't mind being in social situations, as you feel comfortable enough with people to be yourself.

Your caring nature goes beyond a basic concern: you take the time to understand the nuances of people's situations before passing any sort of judgment.

You're a good listener, and even better at offering advice.

You're concerned with others at both an individual and societal level—you sympathize with the plights of troubled groups, and you can care about people you've never met.

Considering many different perspectives is something at which you excel, and you appreciate that quality in others.

Other people's feelings are important to you, and you're good at mediating disputes.

Because of your understanding and patience, you tend to bring out the best in people.

Your attention to detail, confidence, sense of order, and focus on functionality combine to make you an ANALYST.

You are very curious about how things work, delving into the mechanics behind things.

Along those lines, how well something works is usually more important to you than what it looks like.

You find beauty and wonder mainly in concrete, functional, earthly things.

You are very aware of your own abilities, and you believe that you will find the best way of doing things.

Accordingly, problems do not intimidate you, as you believe in yourself.

You trust yourself to find solutions within the boundaries of your knowledge.

You don't spend a lot of time imagining how things could be different—you're well-grounded in the here-and-now.

It is important for you to follow a routine, and you prefer the familiar to the unknown.

You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.

You prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute.

Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

Amazing Weekend!

More about this weekend later, but non the less, let me just say WOW for now :)

Oh and Neek sent this to me last night........I got home about midnight, checked my email before falling in bed and did this.........its pretty cool.....Ill warn you I screamed, even the girls came up this morning saying what happened last night mom, why did you scream? I wasn't prepared for what happens on it :) Part of the problem is I have a lazer mouse and its super sensitive.....ok maybe thats just an excuse :P

Try it: The Maze!

Silly Answers for silly Questions :)

Thanks Rachael :P Do we really learn anything from this stuff?? I expect an essay explaining why I should have to do this next time :P

1. What time did you get up this morning?
I woke up at 6:00 am, went back to bed till 6:45

2. Diamonds or pearls?   Diamonds  --duh

3. What  was the last film you saw at the cinema? 
The Shaggy Dog

4. What is your favorite TV show?  
hmm  24, Lost or Gilmore Girls 

5. What did you have for  breakfast? Greek Eggs

6. What is your middle name? Louise (and I try to forget that!)

7. What is your favorite cuisine?  Where does Seafood fall?

8. What foods do you  dislike? anything that I can't tell what
it is usually and food covered in too much sauce and
definately LIVER

 9. What is  your favorite chip flavor? BBQ

10. What  is your favorite CD at the moment? 
Casting Crowns --Lifesong

11. What kind  of  car do you drive? Sebring Convertible
1st choice or Suburban when the kids whine about sitting
so close to each other 

12. Favorite sandwich? BLT

13. What characteristics do you despise? Betrayal, dishonesty,
 lack of integrity

14.  Favorite item of clothing? Jeans that fit

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation,
where  would you go? Paris or Australia

17. Favorite brand of  clothing?  Dont really have one
(whatever fits well)

18. Where  would you like to retire to? Id be happy whereever
 I could see my family on a regular basis and help with the grandchildren

19. Favorite  time of day? 8 pm

20. What was your most memorable birthday and why? 30th,
I found out some interesting stuff that year

21. Favorite sport to watch? Baseball or Tennis

23. Who do you least expect to send this back to you?  
Anyone thats why Im posting it here :P

24. Person you expect to send it  back first?  ...ditto see above

25. What fabric detergent do you use?  Tide

 26. What's underneath your bed right now?  dust bunnies,
 wrapping paper,rebok step (and possibly a missing Christmas present)

 27. Your eye color?  Blue/Green

28. If you had to be any candy bar, which one would you be and why?
 I seriously dont know how to answer this one

29. Describe what you're sitting on right now.
 brown swivel chair --very very comfy

30. How much time do you spend on the computor each day?
 3 - 4 hours
(depending on how many silly questions I have to answer :P)

I love being a mom BUT!

There are times that I can receive special blessings from my children. This morning started off as one of them. I decided to try something new and actually make a really good meal for myself before heading to the gym. No longer can I go and work out on a luna bar and cup of coffee..... ah well. So I get the kids all set up lay out their school work and plead with them to be good and do some if not most of it before I get back....ha! I knew I was asking for more then I should but it doesn't hurt to be hopeful. So upon getting back this morning I walk in and actually find the older 2 assisting the younger two in their math problems! WOW ....those are the moments I love. Seeing siblings helping one another and not fighting, I love that. But there were a couple of math problem Ashley couldn't remember how to do and so I needed to help Emily. Thats where the but came in. I kept pleading, please can I shower first??? Emily insisted she didn't want to read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory until after her math was done. She can be systematic in her schooling. So I relented and helped, then what do I hear.....mom you need to take a shower! I love being a mom but there are times! grrrrrrrrrr Out of the mouths of babes I suppose.

On another note, I need to figure out something or get something to organize my calendar better. Im feeling scatterbrained......I forgot about Andrew's dentist appointment this morning. Dr Vue is awesome so he forgave me considering I never forget appointments and he likes my kids, but with all that starts up and going on next month with classes, I dont want to forget things.....so I need to figure out what I want to spend or do to fix this. Maybe a PDA is the way to go :P

A fortunate fortune!

I like fortune cookies :) today's I liked especially:

"Look to the next month for some pleasant surprises"

Wound Up

Im wound up right now, I dropped off the kids for choir and Awana's and now Im not sure what to do with myself (that doesn't happen often). Lately I have been running at the beach after I drop them off but since I have a private tennis lesson around 7 .... Im not going to go crazy and do both run and play. Surprising I know. So that leaves me at home...still full of energy, not sure what to do and well thinking lots. I know I should be learning Dreamweaver 8, but not sure if I have the time to dive into it right now either!

I got an email earlier this morning informing us of a required no no no a MANDATORY meeting TODAY that I had to attend at the school. In some ways I think it would be just much eaiser if I moved to Oceanside since I seem to spend soooo much time there anymore. Whats with the word mandatory ....it makes me so not want to attend :) So, I did some quick planning and got the kids all set up for what to do and how to help their younger sister get to her piano lesson after theirs and home with me not around. OK so it was hectic, but problem solved. So off to the meeting I went.

Let me just say this.....I am sooo jealous of my son. The meeting was for the upcoming 8th grade class trip to DC, Williamsburg, New York, etc. I want to go!!!!!!!!! Im seriously thinking about going with Ashley next year. (not sure how I can afford one more trip yet alone my cost as well but leave that for now....:) ) OK so I attend the meeting hear about all they get to do, and eat, and see and eat.....and of course the kids that were present when they announced no gameboys, ipods, mp3 players, cd players, dvd players were allowed to go.........omg too funny you should have heard the gasps......mostly from the boys. Girls well get a group together no problem, they will have ample to do, all it takes is a mouth to keep them busy :P.....ok so after that was covered they talked about what to pack and such. I still need to get Andrew to write a 5 paragraph essay to see if he will win the opportunity to lay the wreath at Arlington. I just HOPE I can get him to take enough pictures!

So I get home and Andrew comes up and shows me this:


His Birthday gift...........hmm the one I got him for Christmas took him like 5 or 6 hours this one? I spent twice as much on this one ...why oh why are legos soo expensive, and he builds it in a couple of hours!

The Dream

I want to be able to take pictures like this!

Bad Attitude Transformed

Ive had a rough morning. I suppose its true even for someone in my position to get to dreaming more about summer then wanting to school my children. I was talking to Ashley's teacher about this just last conference period.....we are in the sight of school ending so we start to think more about that then what still needs to be taking place. Fortunately, spring break is around the corner, that will either motivate us with a week off, or tease us all the more....we shall see. So my morning. I was not motivated to teach. In fact I really dragged my heals about getting out to the kitchen to work with the girls. Ill admit even when I finally kicked myself into gear we did end up spending the first part shooting baskets (paper ball wads) into the trash for a bit ....that was fun :)

So Im struggling to teach the girls and then Emily started reading her science book outloud and it hit me...shes reading so well. Made tears swell up thinking about how far she has come. I'll admit one of the biggest blessings of teaching my own children is knowing that I had a first hand in getting each of them to read. But with Emily things were a little different. Emily was in that beginning stage 3 years ago. 3 years ago was when my life changed. Emily had the brunt of it. Ill admit, rather humbly, I wasn't good for much that year and with her at the point of really needing one on one time she was the most effected by my inability to teach much that year. Neek helped me tons that year, she took Emily from me once a week and tutored her in math, reading and gave her art lessons. Neeks ability to draw is amazing, whats really special is that in our hall downstairs I have a picture she drew of Emily when Emily was 3. Neek touched Emilys life that year when I couldn't do much more then survive. Today, Emily has caught up to her class in all areas. Thats a huge blessing. She can read with ease and in fact enjoys reading. She remembers the time she had with Neek and misses the art lessons especially. Thats not the only way Neeks touched our lives but one that stood out today :)

Its funny when you stop to think about how blessed you are instead of feeling sorry for yourself how your attitude can completely change :)

Nothing could be worse than the fear that one had given up too soon, and left one unexpended effort that might have saved the world. Jane Addams

I don't do great things. I do small things with great love. Mother Teresa

We look forward to the time when the Power of Love will replace the Love of Power. Then will our world know the blessings of peace. Gladstone

?? Sometimes you just have to wonder

This morning I work up with a head ache. Thats usually not a good sign. I know why.....I ate jelly beans! Grrr why oh why do I do this to myself. I know what I should stay away from forms of sugar on an empty stomach --- especially if I dont eat dinner. Why didn't I eat dinner, honestly I dont know. I had a good conversation last night with a new friend in my life, but that was later on so I can't blame him for it :P but hmm well its 5 now and I have tennis in a hour, so maybe maybe I should learn from my mistakes and EAT!

Note: Below---If you look below the first quote I make is in a huge font. I didn't choose that font size, I simply cut and pasted in.....how it happened I really don't know.........but maybe, just maybe.........words to listen to :)

Today's Shopping Experience

For those who know me well enough this will not come as much of a surprise to you. I dont really care to shop! Ok let me reclarifiy that, I dont like to shop when I have a specific need, and honestly rarely do I enjoy window shopping ....so effectively I guess my first comment was correct.

Today I decided after getting a considerable amount of things done around here to hit the mall. I figured I had a reasonable reason to shop (and I did stay away from V Secret :P----which took a good dose of will power, because no matter how I feel about shopping I can always find something there) , I have a interview at the church on Thursday to work as an assitant to the Jr High pastor in the area of graphics (calendar publication etc) . It completely volunteer, but I figured it still was a reasonable excuse to go shopping. Additionally I was on the hunt for a Easter Dress (apparently still to early to shop for those). So with no luck in the dress department I was back in the usual areas.....and of course I am always looking for jeans since they are near to impossible to find that fit ( in length!) Its funny to me that they must think the average person is apparently MUCH taller then I am. At the same time if I shop in the petite department the pants never seem to be LONG enough.......so that leaves me pretty frustrated any time I shop. Fortunately this year capri's are still 'in'. I can't go wrong with that length of pants!

Ok so after getting over the frustration of no dresses, jeans that are too long ....I decide to look for tops. Usually I have way better luck shopping for any kind of shirt, top or blouse.........grr not so much lately, and really whats with the colors this spring! Honestly the color pink and green they have out looks like old wedding party colors........UGLY.....so didn't have much luck looking for tops either. In the process I also tried on some other pants, now do I need more pants?? Not really, did I buy more pants?? ...well (bends her head in shame) yes! Grrr I can't pass a good fit up its just to hard! I was VERY tempted to even buy the pair of pants that I tried on in the size I'm aiming to be at simply because they fit! See I am smart enough to realize I will never be the size I was when I was a teenager......just isn't going to happen. But Im aiming at being the size I was before children (not a single digit but the smallest 2 digit size....you do the math) So I tried a pair on in this size and guess what! THEY FIT!!!! Woot, ok but did they look good? Not in my opinion, but still I was pretty stoked! The day would have ended on more of a sour note if not for that pair of slacks that I did not buy.(that took will power!).....now granted I did end up at NY&C and found a few tops and (grr yes another pair of slacks, but then again how can you not in that store!) Oh and it was Christmas money spent so no guilt here :)

"When you can think of yesterday without regret and tomorrow without fear, you are near contentment."

“He who spends time regretting the past loses the present and risks the future” Quevedo

Parts Casted!

Today was exciting for the two middle girls especially. Today Dori handed out parts during Drama. Last week was auditions. Ashley well she got the role she wanted, the Ubnoxious Student--PERFECT for her. I even had to say that outloud when I went to pick them up at church tonight. Her response, and you have to picture her whining while I stated this....Mommm I am not! She is 12 going on 16 ....she is, she is! But actually this was the part she wanted, so she is especially happy. She had wanted Student 2 also, but that was because Drew was going out for it, and he always gets what he wants.....I kinda admire her for that attempt :P

Emily surprised me this time and she went out and tried out too. I walked in at the end of auditions just in time to hear her doing a solo.........OMG she can sing!!!!! Ok Im her mom, Im suppose to say that, but she really did surprise me. Ashley thinks she can sing, and honestly for what it takes to sing and get up on stage and do this....she impresses me to, but Emily I wasn't prepared for that sweet voice . So what part did she get? A small part but one apparently that will have a solo in it :) Yes mom is very very proud right now :) Andrew well nothing could get him to try out for parts again, no matter how Dori tries. So I told him that all I asked is he finish this year helping out in tech and if next year he really doesn't want to I wont force him. So he got the roll of lights this time, much more simple then music but well I suppose he deserves a break now and again too :)

Two of my favorite all time quotes:

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections.
--Unknown

" Too many people are trying to meet the right person Instead of trying to be the right person." Russ Myers

3 of Everything

Someone sent this to me...so I thought I would just post my answers here :)

3 of Everything

THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
01. My children
02. Neek
03. Tim Allen

THREE THINGS I LOVE: 01. Christ 02. my children 03. being in love THREE THINGS I DISLIKE: 01. Lying 02. Hurtful words 03. Silence THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND: 01. Porn 02. Divorce 03. the death of children THREE THINGS ON MY DESK: 01. Cup of coffee 02. Speakers 03. bills THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW: 01. Trying to forget the $350 water bill I got in the mail 02. Thinking 03. Typing :P THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE: 01. have no regrets 02. live a life full of passion 03. live a life of honesty and integrity THREE THINGS I CAN DO: 01. Write 02. Love 03. Cry THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY: 01. Optimistic 02. Stubborn 03. loving THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO: 01. intentionally hurt someone 02. Be quiet 03. be dishonest THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO: 01. the rain 02. the ocean waves 03. waterfalls THREE THINGS I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO EVER: 01. cars crashing 02. lies & excuses 03. Heavy Metal THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST: 01. grrrr 02. that’s so cool 03. clean up your room THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS: 01. Seafood 02. Panera Bread’s Fandango Salad and Potato soup with BREAD! 03. Bread THREE THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN: 01. Animation web graphics 02. Photoshop’s complete abilities 03. how to fly THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY: 01. Water 02. Coffee 03. Diet Pepsi THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID: 01. Sesame Street 02. Road Runner 03. The Mickey Mouse Club

Emotional

Im wearing almost 2 inch heels in this photo...so you can see how tall he is.

Todays been an emotional day for me. My son is 14 today. I have now been a mother for 14 years ....I feel old in some ways, young in other ways, emotional in a lot of ways.........my life with him is almost over. Ok maybe over the top a little, but really when you think about it at 14 what do I really have left to teach him, or work with him on. I know my life is an example to him, but am I leading an example worthy of emulating? Will he be able to look back and say, "Wow, mom had it rough but she kept on fighting for us no matter what!" ? Will he think of me as being something he would want to find in a wife of his own? Honestly do I want him to look for someone with my character or not (scary thought in some ways :))

To top things off, he is officially taller then me! Grrr! Im not short, I refuse to think of myself as short...but being 5 4 1/2" is no longer taller then he is. I usually wear heels now just to feel like I have the ability to look down at him, but watching him bend down a little to hug my mother today was too much! He's not to much taller, 5 '5" is my guess but he is only 14, that means he will still keep growing! Ah well.

My son makes me smile most of the time. He has the ability to think about others that not all kids his age do. Don't get me wrong he can be very self absorbed (especially while playing a game on the computer or PS2), but then again can't we all. He has a heart of gold. And for living through all he has these past 3 years with me, I love him all the more for that.

"Is all that we see or seem, but a dream within a dream?"

"Practice can make perfect, but it's passion that persuades."

"Passion... it's the atmosphere, the noise, it's the time, the taste, the smell, and the sense of being. I think it's being alive at a point where it's so joyful it can almost be painful."

Three Important Lessons learned this week

1. Customer Service gone backwards. Im not surprised anymore when I receive bad customer service. It seems to go with the territory of most places, however, this week I was surprised, in more ways then one with one experience. I ventured out and took care of the Surburban had the oil changed, and then decided before my father was back over this weekend to get it cleaned up so he wouldn't razz me about the Utah dirt still being on it. So I dug out the gift certificate I got talked into buying last year (a completely different story), and had a full service wash and cleaning done on it. The nice thing about this location is there is a food court right next to it so I was able to take my photoshop bible over and have a nice lunch while they worked on it. Upon walking back up the the pick up area I overheard a conversation. The owner was going on and on with the crew about how if a car is a wash only to wash it and that the entire crew didn't need to work on the vehicle....it wasn't a detail then dont detail it. I heard bits and pieces of it, but basically the owner was upset that they spent too much time (on my car...but I was still unaware of this at the time). I had conveniently driven up during a dead period so they went above and beyond and tried to buff out a spot on the door...(my eldest threw open the convertible car and dinged the truck not to long ago). So Im hearing this conversation and thinking to myself. "Its dead here, wouldn't the smart thing be to keep the employees busy and well encourage customers to return by yes maybe going above the call of duty." Apparently this was not how the owner felt. I have to ask, in an age where its hard to find good workers, its a shame we dont award those who work harder I honestly wished I had put this all together before I drove away and would have given them 3 times the tip I did just to thank them and for the garbage they had to put up with.

2. College isn't as expensive as I feared it might be. I spent a good deal of time talking with ITT Tech yesterday about possibly going back to school full time. I have to admit I am pretty bummed that the credits I had from years ago are null and void, but none the less, I am seriously considering still going after my degree ....or a degree . They told me it would cost me $3080 to accomplish a Associates in 2 years. Now I didn't ask is that 30,080. But for now I am going to think positively :) The only bad aspect is that ITT is a bit far for me to drive and it would be late at night getting out....so something I am considering. I am going to look into the other colleges nearby and see what it would take there as well.

3. Nothing is ever as easy as you think it would be or should be. I decided to finally make the switch from cable to satellite last week. The deal was too good to pass up...or so I thought. So I signed up for their promotion package....(why is Starz already gone from my channels if I was told 3 month??) OK so after drilling them left and right over issues like HDTV etc, I decided it sounded like I would actually save money if I switched.....(I really should check my bills next time before guessing) In actuality it costs 2 dollars more. But with the additional benifit of the receiver and such, not a bad thing...Cox would have charged me $10 more a month to switch up so I still felt rather please...until................. I called Cox to drop cable tv. Apparently my internet was bundled with the cable so by dropping it I would have had to pay $10 more a month for cable. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr see my frustration yet? OK so fortunately I had looked into switching over phone services not to long ago and thought (again I have not yet confirmed this...and honestly I am scared to do so) that if I switched to cable from Pacific Bell...now ATT I would be saving another $2 a month..plus they dont charge you long distance unless you actually use it...nice idea. So I asked can I switch and keep the rate on my internet...answer yes :). Of course that requires another appointment and another service tech coming out to the house etc. OK so lets go back to the Dish Network installation. This was a joke at best. Two guys come over, and they weren't to bad untill I saw the job they did. First they had the cords wrapping around my bedroom door (my bedroom being connected to the living room) ....I had elected to have both of those two televisions connected up. I look down and say...uh, cables? Why can't we go through the wall. He is like ok we can change that. I say good. So he does something with the cables that already go through the walls and says ok, this one you hardly see. (the telephone wire) Im like I dont like seeing cables! Can't you drill through the wall? He's like most people dont like that...Im thinking SURE because they rent not own their homes! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr .... Anyway, got that issue delt with. However I now have cable outside ontop of my siding of the outside of the house...he had said he had hid the cables well along the window...( I WOULD HATE TO SEE WHAT HE CONDSIDERS NOT HIDDEN!) GRrrrrrrrrrrrr So my lesson this week in this area, seriously have my head examined before switching carriers or providers of internet, phone or cable! Honestly with all of this I kinda forgot why I wanted it all switched to begin with! Additionally if I end up with with 2 phone bills after arguing with ATT on the phone today Im going to have to say I may loose it all together :P


Those are the top three lessons learned this week. Its been a crazy week and still ongoing. Tonight I am taking out 13 children to the movies to see The Shaggy Dog and then pizza after. Its St. Patricks day and Friday night......to go along with my prior post, I am seriously out of my mind for doing this. I asked a friend to join me tonight, hopefully he will be able to do so, a single women on the town with 13 kids OMG what was I thinking :P Happy St. Patricks day all who stumble across this :)

Be not simply good - be good for something. Henry David Thoreau

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." Albert Einstein

"Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character." Albert Einstein

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." Albert Einstein


Shaggy Dog........the funniest movie I have seen in a VERY long time! I laughed 3/4's of the time watching this it was VERY amusing ! Highly recommended as a spirt lifter :)

Im completely insane!

Im having so much fun taking classes I have signed up for two more. Today I signed up for a Design Elements class and a Introduction to HTML class. I was looking online for information to jazz up Photoshop. I wanted to dive into some of the special effects and such, I have no patience in waiting for next months classes to start....so in doing that I found this new website International Webmasters Association. They offer tons of certificate classes....so I took the plunge and signed up for 2 more classes. Ill admit part of it is competitive in nature. My eldest daughter and I are competing in seeing who can learn more about web design and graphics within Photoshop....grr a 12 year old cannot.....willnot I refuse to allow her to be smarter then I in this area. So I signed up for two more classes ;)

So starting in April Ill have
Photoshop 2 (taking this at the local college)
Design Elements (online with IWA)
Fundamentals of Photography Made Easy (online with Betterphoto)

they will over lap into May which is when the other two classes begin
Intro into HTML (online with IWA)
Digital Photography (at the college)

Silly part is I really want to sign up for another class with Betterphoto to, but they are a little more expensive and honestly the smart thing...and the patient thing to do is to see if I can handle the work load I already have plus see if they are worth taking to begin with. Additionally with DE I need to understand how to use Dreamweaver 8, so I had to invest not only in the texts used for the classes online but get the software for that class. With HTML I also had to invest in Editpad Pro, both programs I have no idea how to use. So what did I do? Earlier today in the midst of my insanity in signing up I headed off to the bookstore. I picked up a Photoshop goes wild book with cd (im totally getting into this tonight) and a Lean Dreamweaver 8 in 24 hours book. Ok so that will give me plenty to learn the rest of this month. I found out that you can order software under the title of 'student' at a much cheaper rate....often less then 1/2 price if you have a student id, etc. Well I dont, but my children do :), so I was able to order the Dreamweaver much cheaper. So will this be worth it? I dont know but I haven't been this excited about anything in a very long time. I really need to work on being patient now though and dive into what I have and what I have already learned. I learned so much with Photoshop 1 if I dont start applying it and practicing it, it will be all for a waiste (of time and money).

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." Berthold Auerbach

True love cannot be found where it truly does not exist,
Nor can it be hidden where it truly does.
~ by Anonymous ~

"Those who are crazy enough to think they can chang the world, usually do."

Its Cold!

In 2001 in Canada they built a hotel completely made from ice. That year people booked that hotel solid from Jan - April and paid in the area of 3 -4 thousand dollars per room. Come April the hotel began to melt and from that point forward each year they rebuilt this hotel in December and the hotel still fills with people.

Whats worse then the people who pay that much to go to this hotel that those who invest in such a venture. The question was posed to me today...what am I investing in? What am I vesting my time, money and effort in? Good question. We spend our lives so wrapped up in 'things' and stuff when ultimately it will all burn up in the end. Whats worth investing in are people .

Relationships are what keep us going forward and moving on even through the worst of times. Im making a solid effort, something I haven't done in the past couple of years, to invest more time in friends, family and meeting new people. Its amazing what happens when I just smile at someone, they can't help but smile back. Think about how many people you could put a smile on if you just would smile at....then in turn they would turn around and be more likely to smile at someone else. Effectively you could effect hundreds of people simply by simling at someone. Then take the next step, go up and talk to someone you dont know. Its not easy to walk across the room and catch the eyes of someone and initiate a conversation. I love meeting new people. It gives me a charge to hear about their lives, their interests and the things they do. :)

I wonder what it is that makes us hestitate to invest the time in each other? Is it we are so self absorbed that we don't stop to think that there are people...people around us who really need us to stop and spend 5 min or even 30 minutes talking to them? I know what it feels like personally when someone stops and truely asks me how I am doing. Its a heart felt question. I think people in general can tell right off if you are asking from the heart or if its a question, as much as hey how are you doing....and the typical reply...fine. I refuse to answer 'fine'. I think one word replys are just as bad as asking the question that gets the one worded reply. Even if all I say is Im doing pretty good, or Im doing much better now.

This past week I have had several opporunities to connect with people. Some new and some long time friends. It feels good to connect. It is almost as if you are given a dose of adrenaline to move forward and accomplish what next lays ahead. I want to be more of a person who spends that time investing in those around me again. I can honestly say its a whole in me....that Im looking to fill again.

Education, therefore, is a process of living and not a preparation for future living. John Dewey

There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved. George Sand

Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. Helen Keller

A New Created Canvas

Tonight I started something that was surpringly enjoyable on so many levels. I dropped off the kids and then headed down to the coast. I wanted or I have been wanting to start jogging/power walking along the coast for some time and I have decided to make Wednesday evenings the time that Ill be doing that. So I headed down and it had actually occured to me to bring my camera.

After running the approx mile long sea walk down by Tamarack Beach I decided I wanted to walk on the sand for a bit and I did. It was amazingly refreshing, rejuvenating and in a sense spirtual.

So much has been taken from me or given to me by the ocean. My marriage began by the ocean as he wrote the words will you marry me in the sand. My marriage ended near the ocean as I spent a week near the water coming to grips with the fact that he was involved with another. My innocence as a teen was taken from me when I met a boy who later robbed me of my of it and then later he parished by the water and I gained peace of mind. Summers I spend as much time as I can at the ocean. I can find inspiration to write, energy to move on and the strength to do more at the beach. The beauty it holds, the power it is.......there is nothing else like it. To me in some ways it is like watching what it must have been like to see creation come about in His hands.

The tides come and the tides go. Its an amazing thing to watch the water come in and wipe the sand clean and clear again. Tonight I saw a bunch of things that just were endearing to me. These words I saw written in the sand and I watched the words in the sand disappear. I think this is why I love the ocean. I can come here and watch the water come and go. The waves crash with such ferocity its kinda intimidating when you think about the power inside of those waves...they crash and calmly move and creep towards the sand clearing the sand of anything from its past...leaving nothing there remaining. A fresh start, a fresh look. A new beginning...a new canvas on which to work with once again.

Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts. Rachel Carson

Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves. Hellen Keller

Who am I ?

Interesting concept to think about really. Who am I? I had some time tonight to sit and think about this thought. Ive been playing around and trying to dedicate more time to writing again. Blogging has helped me get back into the groove if you will, so today I was thumbing through some of my past 'starts'. I call them starts because I get started and never really get into what ever it is Im trying to convey or write. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that my thinking can just get crazy ( ok nonsensical :P). This was something I started writing a year ago:

Emotional Rock Bottom the New Beginning

I don’t recall the hour or the day exactly but some time after that 2^nd court battle I can remember feeling a tremendous rush of emotion hit me when I realized that my life as I had been and who I was was over. The next question that hit me upside the head was simply, who am I now? I recall the evening after watching some sort of chick flick that showed a man and a woman in their late 60s after being married for so long still in love at that point facing what we all face as we get older. The love illustrated by the couple was so overpowering it brought me to a startling emotional downfall and I cried like I hadn’t cried since the night that I found out what my ex had done. The difference this time was this cry was a cleansing cry. A cry to release all of that ‘what if” and “only ifs’ that we tend to hold on when things happen to us in life. What if I had approached or handled this differently. That night I realized that it no longer mattered what if I had, I was now at the point that It didn’t happened I didn’t do that and there was no going back to change it …it was time to move forward.

But the question of who was I was as scary as facing whom I was no longer. I knew that now, I had faced that over time. I was no longer the wife of my ex, extreme hostess, yes doer of whatever was asked of me…but who was I now?

(I believe the chick flick I was referring to was The Notebook.)

I cried when I read this. Why you ask? Because for one I could remember the emotions of what it felt to live what I did. and secondly, because I wondered how much have I really moved on since then? Do I know who I am or want to be?

I am strong willed and when convicted my passion for what I believe it is unswaying. I know some of the things I want to be or who I want to represent.

I was talking with a friend this past weekend about how difficult it is to be single and or dating again after being married. At one point in my marriage I had what a marriage is suppose to be. A secure relationship, companionship, best friend, and all the wonders that go with that. Once you have something you know what you are missing when you dont. Don't get me wrong, being single does have its advantages too. You dont have to get someone else's opinions before doing things, consider what they are doing before commiting to things, etc. However....honestly the plus's of being married far outweigh being single. No matter how great it is....there is nothing sweeter then falling asleep in the arms of someone you love. Having someone who cares about you and notices things ...small things about your appearance, personality or anything that may be off. Someone who just 'knows' you and loves you with all they are. Even with as hard as a marriage is to keep solid, the advantages far outweigh the hardships. One thing we both agreed on when we were chatting this weekend was this:-- Its easy ....so easy to take for granted the things you dont think about when you have that person in your life. The securities, the being nearby, the conversations, having someone who believes in you and what you want to accomplish, somone who just simply loves you for who you are, just the simplist of things. We both agreed that no matter what lay ahead for either of us....we wont take those little things for granted again.

"Trust! A bridge that connects two hearts together."

"Love is personified in that moment of sharing your greatest weakness not your strength." Jenice

My path....regaining what was robbed

Last night this comment was made or quote was stated and I can't shake it nor do I want to...there is too much truth to it.

"To approach anything in the spirit of hopelessness is to make it hopeless; to approach anything in the spirit of faith is to make it a possibility"

Each day we get out of bed it is a step of faith as we face the day and move forward. Tonights message about Regaining what was robbed was amazing. I've always heard the story of 'faith like a mustard seed' but honestly never really could apply it to myself. My faith has always been strong ...or so I thought. While Ill admit to misplacing my faith in people and thinking they are capable of more then they are, faith hasn't been much of an issue. But more recenlty I think, no I know, I have been struggling with it.

Many of my friends who have faced a marriage breaking up or some hardship found themselves facing the fact that their faith had been weakened before getting to that point. As time went on from the hardship forward their faith grew stronger....for me the opposite. At first my faith was strong. It kept me through all of the hardships I faced. But as time went on, slowly ....very slowly I think each event....the break of communication and then trust, him cheating on me, his need to remarry a week after the divorce, the death of Melinda, the death of the dog, the flood (s), ......each hardship....it weakened me. I dont think I even recognized it. Effectively I was robbed in the process.

When you think about how tiny a mustard seed is....and its an example to us of all we need. Thats pretty amazing. To think that He knew we would struggle and question things and all we needed was enough faith to move one step forward and He would move or better yet carry us the rest of the way.

Maybe Im rambling.....maybe I am ...

Chris gave us 3 questions to ponder and reflect upon at the end. They are this:

1. Where in my life am I arguing instead of sharing?
2. Where do I feel like I have been robbed and who amd I blaming?
3. What is my first step in getting back on the path with Jesus?

Hard questions.....ones I have been and will continue to think about in the month ahead.

"The very fact that possibilities are unknown gives scope to unbridled fancy and the wildest hopes. " Agnes Laut

Hope for the heartless?

A young baby boy sits in an intensive care unit awaiting to receive a heart transplant. Nick and Nate Draper have been on the news as of lately, two sweet young baby boys needing heart transplants. As I was working out this morning I watched the story and felt the pain that those parents must be experiencing. One boy has as of now received a successful heart transplant but the other, Nate still awaits one. This made me start thinking .............

Last night I had a great converstation with L. I suppose you could say my hope in men was restored a little. He had called earlier to set up plans for this weekend and could tell I needed someone to talk to. So later that night he called me back and we chatted for some time. I suppose my hearts condition isn't in the place it use to be. I'm a bit scared that I may not be able to open up and trust anyone again. I shared with him my fears ....and was surprised by some of his responses. He is still in contact with almost all the woman he has ever dated. Still friends. I wondered how that was possible. He shared with me what I was starting to think just was not possible to find in men. You can talk things out in the end. You can protect the feelings of another. You just have to treasure the heart enough to do that. He shared with me that in his opinion the reason why men slink away .....they dont want to face the guilt they walk around with from causing pain. Its uncomfortable, so the easy thing to do is just walk away from it.

I think as a whole most of us do not recognize the responsibility of a relationship. What trust is offered and the value it has. I think this goes for both general friendships and for romantic entanglements. If you trust me enough to give me part of who you are to share your inner thoughts and dreams, and I do the same...theres a connection thats created. When someone can severe it without regard to what pain they cause another, what does that say about the condition of our hearts?

We walk around each day with no regard to the gift we have. The ability to love and be loved, to trust and be trusted, to share and share we are each blessed with. The heart we have is a gift from God. We take it for granted..........we only stop to think about it when faced with not having a heart. My prayers are with the parents of those little boys. And my hope is a bit restored.

Hope is always available to us. When we feel defeated, we need only take a deep breath and say, "Yes," and hope will reappear. -- Monroe Forester

“What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise” Oscar Wilde

“When you say a situation or a person is hopeless, you are slamming the door in the face of God.” Charles Allen

Things I just dont Understand

1. Cannabalism
2. Actually most words that end in ism, Feminism, Buddhism, Pessimism, Atheism, etc (454 words --most not all)
   
3. Why some females think not shaving their armpits is beautiful
4. Mothers who leave their children
5. Mothers who hurt their children
6. Fathers who hurt their children
7. Why a man or woman walks away from his family
8. How someone could just stop loving someone else
9. Why you would spend more then 50K on a car
10. Why its always just one sock that disappears.
11. How someone could cheat on another.
12. How somone could lie to one they love.
13. Why people are so selfish.
    
14. Why you would eat snails, frogs legs, pigs eyes or any other bizarre food
15. Why a woman stays with a man who abuses her
16. People who don't ask questions
17. Why kids put speakers in the backs of their vehicles and you can hear the thundering sound a state away.
18. Why the post office seems to employ the slowest people on the earth.
19. Why parents dont except responsibility for their children's behavior
20. Why its impossible to spend less then $100 as Costco.
21. Why my CDR Drive wont open or work
22. Why I crave chocolate
    
23. How a telephone works
24. What makes a 12, 10, 14 or any child pick up a gun and think he can solve his problems by shooting kids at school
25. Why he said I love you and then turned and walked away......forever
26. Artificial insemination........whats the fun in that!
27. Why my CDRW Drive WONT OPEN!
28. If the grass is green, then why isn't the sky slue
29. Racism
30. What made girls scream over Elvis
31. Why contentment is so difficult
32. Why some could think that the complexity of human life could be so easily discarded and thought to be an accident
33. Why we waste so much time worring about what we dont have instead of enjoying what we do
34. Why Im alone tonight
35. The Book of Revelations
    
36. Why My CDRW drive wont OPEN!
37. Why it is impossible to drive the speed limit
38. Why I lack patience
39. Why smoke dectectors chirp
40. Why someone would want to be alone
41. How to be single after being married.
42. Why anyone would choose to hurt instead of heal
43. Why my cdrw drive wont open!
44. Why talking is to difficult for some
45. Why the ocean sooths
46. Why coffee tastes so good in the morning
47. Why people don't pay attention to the words they say or how hurtful they can be
48. Why cars break down at the most inopportune times
49. Why a woman would want to be more like man
50. Why people give up
51. How some don't fight to keep what they want or love
    
52. Why being right could be more important then that of the feelings of another
    
53. Why..............
    

Ive become a huge Steve Hanks fan. His ability to paint with water colors amaze me. These are a couple more prints of his.

Most of us are pawns in a game of love we don't understand.
~Leo Buscaglia

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” Robert McCloskey

“Watch your thoughts; they become your words. Watch your words; they become your actions. Watch your actions; they become your habits. Watch your habits; they become your character. Watch your character for it will become your destiny.” Frank Outlaw